fluffy17

Update time....

Taking Nicole to the airport tomorrow. Off to Hawaii. I follow on Sunday. 6 days in hawaii, then I come back and she stays for another week to hang with family. Yes, this is her sister's wedding and I will be meeting her whole family. I'm crazy in love. She's crazy in love. I'm starting to worry about my history with commitment (let's just say it's not good...). But, I'm just amazed with her. She just says "No guarantees. Not today. or tomorrow, or next year, or 50 years from now". This isn't a whirlwind romance. This is a class 5 tornado romance. Luckily, I think we are both level headed enough to not run off to Vegas or Reno anytime soon, but I strong suspect that if we make it through 3-4 months, we'll end up living together or at least together for a long long time....

In other news, I climb eat and sleep. There really isn't any other news

Also, I'm over my Pihka crush

Somehow, I think she'll be ok with that

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Dropped Nic off at the airport. In just a few days, we'll be in Hawaii with her. that will be sooooo much fun.


And woo hoo! I have the seal of approval to be in love from my favorite suicide girl

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Mmm. Running. So, I'm attempting to become an ex-smoker. I get a lot of exercise, it's just non-aerobic (rock climber. I have buff forearms ). So I just ran (most of) a mile. Didn't feel too bad. I'm starting to hack up phlegm. Which is good. Breathing and shit is nice. But damn I have a wicked pain on the left side of my chest when I run....

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So, A new word for me. I live in california, "hella" has been floating around for a while. Lately, i've been hearking "hecka". It's just kinda cute, you know, hearing some 19 year old fairly innocent girl say it.....

I'm a freak.

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It's wierd, but having Nicole in my life, all of a sudden I laugh. from the bottom of my soul (so to speak. I don't actually believe in souls). I have been more obsessed with women, in a really unhealthy way. But Nic makes me so fucking happy.

Once again, I'm a freak.

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More freak stories. As I mention every now and then, I'm a Soto Zen Buddhist. Zen is interesting. Sure, we're big on the 4 noble truths, and the noble 8fold path. Right speech, action, thought, intention, livelyhood. And a few others I never remember.

But, as far as I can tell, mainly we sit and meditate a lot. That's it. In my apartment, which is a total disaster area, there is one always clean spot, in the corner of one of my closets. There's a candle (my own personal touch), a zafu (a special pillow to sit on) and a kitchen timer. I missed about a month of sitting (meditating) because of work. I like to do 1/2 hour a day. Right now I'm doing about 15min 4-6 times/week. Working back up to 1/2 /day.

People think meditation is calming and peaceful. That you sit and think about fuzzy bunnies and babbling brooks. Not in my religion Technically you try not to think at all. The truth is everyone thinks and you do your best to just watch and not to get caught up in it. It's hard and dull. It never get's fun. It is relaxing, but not for the reasons you think. You get to see what you are thinking in great detail. I reccomend it highly to everyone, but it's work. It's always hard. It's never fun while doing it. It feels pretty good to be done with, though. It's like running that way, but duller because the scenery never changes.

And yes, I'm still a freak.