This is sort of random but it feels nice to be able to jot it down into words, in the form of a blog. Just a fragment of the ramblings in my brain..
So recently I have been so overwhelmed by everything that has happened this year so far. So much in such little time!! I started off 2017 with a huge urge of making this year MY year. Ever feel like you're just content...and that's it. And you start realising that it's not how it should be. My form of 'content' was working a longer than normal 9-5, in an office..in a job which gave me no satisfaction, no personal growth, nor did I work with anyone that I shared any similarity to. But HEY...it paid the bills/rent. UGH. It became so mind-numbing that it eventually started breaking down my confidence, relationships and just my general self.
When I finally took the plunge and got out, I faced many people telling me that I was stupid and a fool for throwing away the stability of a monthly salary. They could not have been more wrong.
I'm currently sat in bed, typing this, smiling away like a moron because I know that even though I struggled when I took the plunge (naturally coming to terms with changes), I faced the reality head on and did what I needed to, to make ends meet. For me, that was figuring out how to balance working 2 jobs, and still have time for myself, which I now do. In the space of 3 months, I became a part of this amazing community where I was introduced to the concept of loving yourself skindeep, I have made friends with people who I consider FAMILY now, and I have had the absolute pleasure of being able to take part in so many wonderful opportunities.
This is the happiest I have ever been in my life..knowing this is exactly who I am, doing the things I love and actually pushing myself to be more.. Something I did not get from following the structure of society which was set out in front of me: School, college, university AND THEN a corporate career. NOPE. NEVER listen to anyone who tells you that there are only certain ways to live your life and that you have to follow a set structure to be happy. That shit is wrong, it's small-mindedness and it is SADNESS.
My biggest challenge yet: Facing the cultural barriers which I was brought up on. I come from a background which does not allow the freedom of expressing love for your own body, your own skin. Naked, bare skin was made to be seen as dirty and shameful. That is wrong. As you can imagine, I have faced many difficult decisions since taking the plunge to bring myself out of the hole I was trapped in. I have lost alot in the form of blood and family, but what I've gained is liberation. You were not made to live for the happiness of others. If people cannot see that, you don't need to cut them off..but distance yourself and give them time to understand. You cannot force someone to understand something that they are not familiar with. I see myself as very lucky for finally finding the courage to be myself. Some will go a lifetime adhering to the 'norms' that they are pushed into believing. I got out.
Surround yourself with people who love their inner selves, as they are the ones that will make you fall in love with yourself. I could not be more grateful for the turn my life has taken and I can only hope that anyone that was stuck like I was, finds it too.
P.S - I know that none of this probably makes sense as I'm currently half asleep and a little emotional, but hey ho. Felt good attacking my keyboard and getting it all out.
Night night xo
