flicker

i am sad because, well, i don't know why, i just am. i'm tired of crying so much and only hanging out with a few people and being so tired that the circles under my eyes are turning black. i'm just so tired, and there's nothing i can do about it because i'm too poor to work less. soo, it looks like i will work...
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sooo, who wants to give flicker a computer? i neeeed to be on sg everday, i'm having withdrawals. i guess i kind of need to have a computer for school, too, but that's beside the point.

soo, it sucks. i don't have a computer and can only be on here when i'm at school or boy's. i'm hoping to be able to get a computer and some cheap internet and then i could be on here all the time. hmm, so, i absolutely adore my new apartment, but i miss everybody on here oh well. okay, i'm going to look around...
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so saturday is moving day. moving out of the old place and into the new. i'm excited, but worried that things will fuck up. oh well. sucks that i won't be able to use a computer except at boy's house. i wish i could put my membership on hold until i got my own computer.

well, the good news is that i've finally found an apartment, everything should be finalized on monday, phwew, such a relief. it will be soo nice to be closer to my family and my boy. the bad news is my dog is still dying, it's so hard because he's always been my baby. i trained him from when he was a puppy and he slept...
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i feel like everything is so futile. i learn to love people and animals, knowing that someday they will get tired of me or die, and i will be left with a gaping hole inside me that can never be filled completely again.

my dog is dying

yay for working at christie's toybox. it's usually pretty entertaining, but it makes me a bit sexually frustrated, being surrounded by all those dildos and vibrators and not being able to do anything about it. my boy should be grateful he doesn't see me right after i get off work because i would tear him apart

i still haven't found a place to live and i'm supposed to move out july 31. i think i'm SOL. oh well, my parents said i can live w/ them for a bit if i need to, i'd just rather not b/c i won't be able to have my kitty there

well, that nasty day is over. boo for working 12 hours straight. i still have lots to do today, but i get breaks in between so it will be nice. and tomorrow... i get to see boy! yay, that makes me happy. i also have to try to go to the doctor tomorrow because i think i am dying inside

meh. i'm tired, i didn't get home til 5 this morning. too much partying. i work from 3-11 tonight, then 8:30-4:30 at one job tomorrow, then 5-10:30 at my other job tomorrow. i will be sooo tired, and i just want to sleep with my boy

it's getting harder. i try to pretend that everything will be alright, but there's just so much fear and lonliness and misunderstanding. *sigh* i just want things to be a little bit better than they are now, i'm tired of struggling just to maintain the little bit of happiness i can find in life.

why is it so hard to find a new place to live? no place has everything i'm looking for, and if it does, the rent is outrageous. grrrrr, i'm getting frustrated.