one of many?
one, but not the one?
just...another...one...?
i know it's not me...it can't be.
i hate when i think that everything about a situation applys to me, but in reality it doesn't.
so confused....so confused....
as if my mind could stop obessesing...in the clinical sense of the word.
as if i wasn't stuck enough as is...
but now, to wonder, is it me?
and "no" is the only answer I come up with.
"but...but...but..."
"no."
"but that's one of my favorite words!"
"damnit, no, it doesn't make sense"
"but look, its right there...that's gotta be a sign, I told it's entomology..."
"no, why can't you understand? it's not you, it's that one...her...or some unknown."
"but..."
"no, fuck off."
and it goes on like that, same arguements and everything, nothing added, more than wahts there but nothing new...just runs over the same.
over and over at the speed of light. bastard brain, bastard electrochemical interactions! bastards...
i can't even write this anymore, i'm too caught up in it...thinking about everything, what did it mean? did it mean?
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
DAMNIT kevin, stop pretending you're the bronze man...there's your crime and here's your punishment.
fuck.
full stop.
one, but not the one?
just...another...one...?
i know it's not me...it can't be.
i hate when i think that everything about a situation applys to me, but in reality it doesn't.
so confused....so confused....
as if my mind could stop obessesing...in the clinical sense of the word.
as if i wasn't stuck enough as is...
but now, to wonder, is it me?
and "no" is the only answer I come up with.
"but...but...but..."
"no."
"but that's one of my favorite words!"
"damnit, no, it doesn't make sense"
"but look, its right there...that's gotta be a sign, I told it's entomology..."
"no, why can't you understand? it's not you, it's that one...her...or some unknown."
"but..."
"no, fuck off."
and it goes on like that, same arguements and everything, nothing added, more than wahts there but nothing new...just runs over the same.
over and over at the speed of light. bastard brain, bastard electrochemical interactions! bastards...
i can't even write this anymore, i'm too caught up in it...thinking about everything, what did it mean? did it mean?
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
DAMNIT kevin, stop pretending you're the bronze man...there's your crime and here's your punishment.
fuck.
full stop.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
i want a lack of reason.
i want to lose all cognizance.
i want to be an insect.
live a life in a day, instead of a life every day.
i'm tired of being an analog robot operating on chaos theory or whatever...
analog simulating digital....
can't wait till we find their the same thing...
STUPID LOS ALAMOS!
i want a predefined method for each situation and set of circumstances.
i hate my freedom.
i hate it.
ape shall not kill ape...
god damnit, you have no idea the shit i deal with.....if only it had anything to do with you...
maybe you're the trigger...
but all revolutions have preconditions and precipitants.
the french revolution was triggered by the storming of the bastille...
that let out the marquis...but he lived in fear all through the terror.
the reign of terror...is that where i am?
is that what this is?
behead the damn demons. fucking kill them...
too bad their necks are stronger than steal.