This is my favorite Christmas song... and also in my eyes... the saddest Christmas song. This song makes me think of so much... all at once... i can hardly get through it without tearing up... especially lately. This year has been so traumatic for me.... and it is always the holidays that really make you realize what you don't have in your life. For the last 5 years i've been married... was with him for 7 years... Christmas has always been special... specially with our daughters... Sometimes i wish things were the same just so i can feel safe and feel... like a family. But i wasn't happy... and now im... happy... but lonely. I mean i have a boyfriend... and he doesn't the best he can... and he is wonderful... but i want more... i want a family. Im really big on families and security... I need it to function... I want a husband.... not just a boyfriend... you know? I feel weird saying that... but niterunner doesn't read these things anyway...
I wont have my girls this Christmas... and i thought i could handle it but... now its taking its toll on me. I haven't put up a tree yet... and im stressed to all ends... I really want to put up a tree... just waiting to get paid...
My ex will get in town on Christmas Eve and will have my daughters for a few days while he is visiting... so come Christmas morning... i will wake up... and they wont be there. I already had a hard time at Thanksgiving when i drove up to Dallas alone... for the very first time i was alone... and it was really hard. The boyfriend decided to stay here with his family. My dad was upset... i could tell... he drove in front of me on the way up and behind me on the way down... He told me when i first moved into my apartment that 3 little girls shouldn't live alone... apparently im still little.... lol.
sorry im getting a bit depressed here.... damn holiday songs....
Anyway... i hope everyone has a very merry Christmas... and i hope all of you get to spend some time with the people you love... That is what its all about... tell the people you love you love them... show the people you love that you love them. Family comes first.
Also... my sister is having a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In April i will be an Aunt for the very first time!!!! My little girls will have a little girl cousin!!!!
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Always remember the better days of the Holidays and rejoice for what we do have in our lives.
I love Bing Crosby!
I'm sorry you're so alone right now. I know what you mean about wanting the security blanket of a big family to spend holidays with. When I was a kid . . I was part of a big family - lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. But over time, people died, moved away, lost touch, etc., and that whole thing is no more.
Be thankful that you have your girls the rest of the year . . and that they're in your life.
Chin up kiddo . . . You're still young . . . there's lots of time for things in your life to get better.
Have a safe and happy holiday season!
Hugs!