Friday Dec 11, 2009

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Well ... some people can only take so much stress. Ive had a lot of stress I havent spoken of from work. Just kind of dealt with. Or so I thought. Well, today I blew up. I couldnt take it anymore. No more bullshit from work, no more bullshit from home. I collapsed today. I am still trying to get up from the ground. I feel like I dont really "belong" here anymore. Like I have spent my time here and served my purpose. And now I live without a purpose.

Without a purpose .... have you ever felt like you didnt have a purpose? Im sure many have. Ive always felt like I have 1 drive mechanism. And its to GO. I just dont feel like Im going anywhere here. Im stationary, just growing more and more. no progress. Im falling behind in life. I shouldnt be.

What the fuck am I doing wrong? Seriously. I make a truck and insurance payment plus rent and utilities, Thats like 2000 a month. I make easily over 3 ... where is the rest going ? I know I dont spend 1600 on extra shit. What the fuck am I doing ?

I think this every month. Every day.

It eats me apart.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
skwhale:
i know exactly what you mean when you say that you're feeling stationary, like your feet are stuck in cement and you cant see what you want but you just know its right there in front of you. i ALSO know of the money gremilins...when i was living with my ex i only had one bill to pay,half of the phone bill, and i still sumhow managed to end up with absolutely no cash for saving come the end of every month. My suggestion is to have a REASON to save your money, no matter how small or large a reason, and put a DEADLINE to it. Just put faith in yourself that you'll get outta this rut, its not a never ending tunnel. <333
leib_:
♥

stay strong and remember to breathe!

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