It's been awhile...
I will apologize for the dramatic flow now.
Read at your own risk
So for the past several weeks I've been doing battle with a type of depression that is only conjured by helplessness and/or imprisonment. During that time allot of things have dredged up from my subconscious, death of loved ones, sins of the past, hidden insecurities, and broken promises to myself and others. I have been plagued by fears that have brought me to the brink of panic and nightmares that have ripped me from sleep and driven me to tears.
I have lived my life to date with a inner strength and fierce independence that has allowed me to survive what most would consider worse, but here in the most stable place I have ever lived in the most peaceful time of my adult life I found that inner light a fading reminder of the convention I've sacrificed in the name of that same strength. So for the first time I had to really look outside myself and into the hearts of those around me. To say I have been surprised would an understatement, what I found in those that would be called friends was a love that previously I would have only associated with a family. A love and appreciation for not only what I brought into their lives but a calm and peaceful acceptance of my flaws. But most amazing were those people who I'd given ample reason to harbor deep and vengeful grudges and how they looked back at me with openness and a readiness to move on that I was left with one conclusion, the answer to all my pain was captured in one word... Forgiveness.
The hardest person in my life to earn that forgiveness from is and will always be myself, it's the price one pays in order to live the life I've chosen, to bring fire to the world, to challenge the way things are done and the way people think one must forgive the fire for burning as it promised to burn and accept the fear and anger of those that can't remember asking for the fire in the first place. I forgive all of them but most importantly I forgive myself. The ashes of my past will no longer haunt me as ghosts but instead provide a nest from which to rise and be born anew.
Thank you to all of you who have been there for me in my time of need I only hope I can return the favor if ever needed.
Spiecal thanks to
TheGoodDan
chrisalis
Libelle
Fayegreen222
Kwirl/Qota
Colleen
Olga
Simon Z
DodRaibeid
HrlyQuinn
K4r4ndr4s
I will apologize for the dramatic flow now.
Read at your own risk
So for the past several weeks I've been doing battle with a type of depression that is only conjured by helplessness and/or imprisonment. During that time allot of things have dredged up from my subconscious, death of loved ones, sins of the past, hidden insecurities, and broken promises to myself and others. I have been plagued by fears that have brought me to the brink of panic and nightmares that have ripped me from sleep and driven me to tears.
I have lived my life to date with a inner strength and fierce independence that has allowed me to survive what most would consider worse, but here in the most stable place I have ever lived in the most peaceful time of my adult life I found that inner light a fading reminder of the convention I've sacrificed in the name of that same strength. So for the first time I had to really look outside myself and into the hearts of those around me. To say I have been surprised would an understatement, what I found in those that would be called friends was a love that previously I would have only associated with a family. A love and appreciation for not only what I brought into their lives but a calm and peaceful acceptance of my flaws. But most amazing were those people who I'd given ample reason to harbor deep and vengeful grudges and how they looked back at me with openness and a readiness to move on that I was left with one conclusion, the answer to all my pain was captured in one word... Forgiveness.
The hardest person in my life to earn that forgiveness from is and will always be myself, it's the price one pays in order to live the life I've chosen, to bring fire to the world, to challenge the way things are done and the way people think one must forgive the fire for burning as it promised to burn and accept the fear and anger of those that can't remember asking for the fire in the first place. I forgive all of them but most importantly I forgive myself. The ashes of my past will no longer haunt me as ghosts but instead provide a nest from which to rise and be born anew.
Thank you to all of you who have been there for me in my time of need I only hope I can return the favor if ever needed.
Spiecal thanks to
TheGoodDan
chrisalis
Libelle
Fayegreen222
Kwirl/Qota
Colleen
Olga
Simon Z
DodRaibeid
HrlyQuinn
K4r4ndr4s
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"Do your thing"