Zombies
So I saw the new Survival of the Dead Romero movie. Good stuff. Lets review. So we start out w Night of the Living Dead ca 1968. First night the dead reanimate. Where do we hide? In a house. Dumb. Obviously zombies know people are in houses. Then moving on to 1978, Dawn of the Dead. We are a little smarter, know that if zombies bite us OR if we just plain die then WE become zombies. Ok. So where do we go? The mall. C'mon. Where the hell if you were a mindless zombie would you go? Obviously the mall (sans double meaning.. Clever Romero.) Then fast forward 1985 Day of the Dead. Now we're kickin it big. We have a helicopter, so where do we go? Underground? What? We have a fucking HELICOPTER. Why are we underground? We have a dinky fence and a slow moving elevator (forget the helicopter!) and a place where there is no where to run if and when our "security system" fails. Ugh. So then after gratuitous zombie feast after zombie feast we finally get to Land of the Dead. Where do we go? A giant high rise and NYC homeless style streets. "They'll never get us here!" Then finally 40 fucking years later it FINALLY occurs to us to go to an island. 40 zombie filled years we finally say "Gee, an island would sure be nice about now."
Personally my favorite thing about Romero zombies is that they evolve with us. with every stupid place we think to hide, they get a little smarter. We hide in a house, they eat us. We hide in a mall, they eat us. We hide in a bunker, they salute us! We hide in a sky rise they.. Try to pump our gas and discover they can walk under water? We go to an island they deliver our mail and eat horses? And what was up with that shit? Zombies riding horses? Anyways, I have a few questions for Mr. Romero.
First.. What about aliens?That seems to be the next place to go. Space. And we all know aliens are out there abducting us in our sleep and probing us(Thanks for all the help in the ZOMBIE FUCKING APOCALYPSE GUYS!) Do aliens become zombies? Would zombies eat aliens? Is this happening on other planets?
Which is my second question. "when there is no more room in hell the dead shall walk the earth" fine. Ok so this is our punishment for sucking as a species. I get it. We suck. But then why if a zombie bites you does it spread? That seems more like the Resident Evil zombie theory of "zombie bacteria" or whatever that makes you sick and kills you and changes you into a zombie. It shouldn't be both. So basically the question is WTF?
Third, why did they leave the island?? It took us 40 years to get there, safest place most likely.. Kill the zombies, good to go. Where did they think they were going?? And who cares about money in the apocalypse? I guess if we back track the zombies CAN walk under water, but they would have a hell of a time walking the stretch of ocean being eaten by fishes just to find 3 people. Just sayin.
And my final question.. If zombie blood makes you a zombie, and zombies are in the water, and they are presumably gross and bloody doesnt that contaminate the water? I mean seriously. 5 million zombies thats a lot of zombie blood/saliva/pus/whatever it should be presumably raining zombie filth and any survivors are bound to encounter contaminated water sooner than later, so that pretty much should end the world.
So I saw the new Survival of the Dead Romero movie. Good stuff. Lets review. So we start out w Night of the Living Dead ca 1968. First night the dead reanimate. Where do we hide? In a house. Dumb. Obviously zombies know people are in houses. Then moving on to 1978, Dawn of the Dead. We are a little smarter, know that if zombies bite us OR if we just plain die then WE become zombies. Ok. So where do we go? The mall. C'mon. Where the hell if you were a mindless zombie would you go? Obviously the mall (sans double meaning.. Clever Romero.) Then fast forward 1985 Day of the Dead. Now we're kickin it big. We have a helicopter, so where do we go? Underground? What? We have a fucking HELICOPTER. Why are we underground? We have a dinky fence and a slow moving elevator (forget the helicopter!) and a place where there is no where to run if and when our "security system" fails. Ugh. So then after gratuitous zombie feast after zombie feast we finally get to Land of the Dead. Where do we go? A giant high rise and NYC homeless style streets. "They'll never get us here!" Then finally 40 fucking years later it FINALLY occurs to us to go to an island. 40 zombie filled years we finally say "Gee, an island would sure be nice about now."
Personally my favorite thing about Romero zombies is that they evolve with us. with every stupid place we think to hide, they get a little smarter. We hide in a house, they eat us. We hide in a mall, they eat us. We hide in a bunker, they salute us! We hide in a sky rise they.. Try to pump our gas and discover they can walk under water? We go to an island they deliver our mail and eat horses? And what was up with that shit? Zombies riding horses? Anyways, I have a few questions for Mr. Romero.
First.. What about aliens?That seems to be the next place to go. Space. And we all know aliens are out there abducting us in our sleep and probing us(Thanks for all the help in the ZOMBIE FUCKING APOCALYPSE GUYS!) Do aliens become zombies? Would zombies eat aliens? Is this happening on other planets?
Which is my second question. "when there is no more room in hell the dead shall walk the earth" fine. Ok so this is our punishment for sucking as a species. I get it. We suck. But then why if a zombie bites you does it spread? That seems more like the Resident Evil zombie theory of "zombie bacteria" or whatever that makes you sick and kills you and changes you into a zombie. It shouldn't be both. So basically the question is WTF?
Third, why did they leave the island?? It took us 40 years to get there, safest place most likely.. Kill the zombies, good to go. Where did they think they were going?? And who cares about money in the apocalypse? I guess if we back track the zombies CAN walk under water, but they would have a hell of a time walking the stretch of ocean being eaten by fishes just to find 3 people. Just sayin.
And my final question.. If zombie blood makes you a zombie, and zombies are in the water, and they are presumably gross and bloody doesnt that contaminate the water? I mean seriously. 5 million zombies thats a lot of zombie blood/saliva/pus/whatever it should be presumably raining zombie filth and any survivors are bound to encounter contaminated water sooner than later, so that pretty much should end the world.
xhippykid:
Holy movie review... 