i wrote a journal entry in my hand-written journal today that made me very happy. not because it's a wonderful piece of writing, but because it's a bit introspective and helped me to get a lot of things out. made me feel better.
for today's entry...
random things about plaingurl:
10. i. hate. sleeping. alone. when i'm by myself i always have my teddy bear. if i don't, i use a second pillow and hold it like i would my teddy bear. but i'd rather have a real live person any day of the week.
9. sometimes i'll have something staring me right in the face and i won't realize it's there for awhile. this involves people, situations, opportunities, etc.
8. i tend to end up interested in people who i simply should not be interested in for one reason or another. this is certainly the current situation. i just don't know what my emotions are trying to do with me sometimes.
7. i like the color red. it was my favorite color when i was little, and i still enjoy it very much.
6. often times i feel like i've got too much baggage to justify other people investing time in me. most of this baggage surrounds my family, who i feel an immense responsibilty toward even though i probably shouldn't.
5. astroglide rocks. i use it to masturbate, and if you think you're ever going to have sex with me without it present, you're insane.
4. i never make the first move. i also have issues expressing interest in someone if i'm not 100% sure they're interested in me--and i'm pretty much never 100% sure.
3. i don't wear much jewelry, aside from a ring on the middle finger of my left hand and sometimes a necklace. well, that and the things i don't take off.
2. i know what it's like to be poor. my mom works her ass off to make pretty much no money. i've been mostly self-sufficient since i was 16.
1. touching makes me happy. i love physical contact. hand holding, leg touching, whatever. it just makes me happy, especially when i'm comfortable with the person. i just want to melt into them and never come out. at least not for awhile.
0. i want to get married. i want to grow old with somebody. i want the sortof commitment that you end up having with somebody simply because you can't see yourself living without them. maybe that makes me naive.
-1. i'm extremely hesitant to date somebody who's younger than me. i find that i've been through so much that i just relate and get along with people who are older than me so much better. i'm not sure what i would call too old. i dated someone who had 13 years on me, and i haven't encountered 'too old' yet.
-2. i've got bad taste in music, and it's very limited. that means all of you people who think you've got the best taste in music ever should burn a mix cd for me
-3. my number system gets totally fucked up if i have too much to say.
-4. i love romantic comedies and scary movies. i'm both a sap and i love blood and guts and scariness.
-5. it saddens me that so many people hate poetry. i feel like if they gave it a real chance, they wouldn't feel that way. it's just something that's so much a part of me, it makes me sad when i think about how many people abhor it.
-6. i wonder how many of you will actually read this far...i'm done. i could actually probably even say more, but i figure i've said more than enough.
and 
for everybody.
and more for somebody.
update: my mom had a minor exploratory surgery done this morning to look at her ovaries and her appendix. neither of them is causing the extreme pain, so we have to just wait for the biopsy to come back. which in most places should take about a week, but in bumblefuck pennsylvania, she got the test done last week and probably won't know anything until next week. sigh.
update: i just typed up all of the journaling i've done in the past few days, and i must admit i'm quite happy with it. lemme see if i can find something completely random and confusing to give you guys a sample of it... here we are. "there was something about him she never noticed before.' makes tons of sense out of context, eh? i'm all mysterious and whatnot. ooohhh yeah. and i'm doing this mini-editing-updated because i like my journal entry and decided the whole world she know about my little oddities.
for today's entry...
random things about plaingurl:
10. i. hate. sleeping. alone. when i'm by myself i always have my teddy bear. if i don't, i use a second pillow and hold it like i would my teddy bear. but i'd rather have a real live person any day of the week.
9. sometimes i'll have something staring me right in the face and i won't realize it's there for awhile. this involves people, situations, opportunities, etc.
8. i tend to end up interested in people who i simply should not be interested in for one reason or another. this is certainly the current situation. i just don't know what my emotions are trying to do with me sometimes.
7. i like the color red. it was my favorite color when i was little, and i still enjoy it very much.
6. often times i feel like i've got too much baggage to justify other people investing time in me. most of this baggage surrounds my family, who i feel an immense responsibilty toward even though i probably shouldn't.
5. astroglide rocks. i use it to masturbate, and if you think you're ever going to have sex with me without it present, you're insane.
4. i never make the first move. i also have issues expressing interest in someone if i'm not 100% sure they're interested in me--and i'm pretty much never 100% sure.
3. i don't wear much jewelry, aside from a ring on the middle finger of my left hand and sometimes a necklace. well, that and the things i don't take off.
2. i know what it's like to be poor. my mom works her ass off to make pretty much no money. i've been mostly self-sufficient since i was 16.
1. touching makes me happy. i love physical contact. hand holding, leg touching, whatever. it just makes me happy, especially when i'm comfortable with the person. i just want to melt into them and never come out. at least not for awhile.
0. i want to get married. i want to grow old with somebody. i want the sortof commitment that you end up having with somebody simply because you can't see yourself living without them. maybe that makes me naive.
-1. i'm extremely hesitant to date somebody who's younger than me. i find that i've been through so much that i just relate and get along with people who are older than me so much better. i'm not sure what i would call too old. i dated someone who had 13 years on me, and i haven't encountered 'too old' yet.
-2. i've got bad taste in music, and it's very limited. that means all of you people who think you've got the best taste in music ever should burn a mix cd for me
-3. my number system gets totally fucked up if i have too much to say.
-4. i love romantic comedies and scary movies. i'm both a sap and i love blood and guts and scariness.
-5. it saddens me that so many people hate poetry. i feel like if they gave it a real chance, they wouldn't feel that way. it's just something that's so much a part of me, it makes me sad when i think about how many people abhor it.
-6. i wonder how many of you will actually read this far...i'm done. i could actually probably even say more, but i figure i've said more than enough.
and for everybody.
and more
for somebody.
update: my mom had a minor exploratory surgery done this morning to look at her ovaries and her appendix. neither of them is causing the extreme pain, so we have to just wait for the biopsy to come back. which in most places should take about a week, but in bumblefuck pennsylvania, she got the test done last week and probably won't know anything until next week. sigh.
update: i just typed up all of the journaling i've done in the past few days, and i must admit i'm quite happy with it. lemme see if i can find something completely random and confusing to give you guys a sample of it... here we are. "there was something about him she never noticed before.' makes tons of sense out of context, eh? i'm all mysterious and whatnot. ooohhh yeah.
and i'm doing this mini-editing-updated because i like my journal entry and decided the whole world she know about my little oddities.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
10- i'd sleep with you whenever you'd like..err..
9-i think everyone does that in some way..or at least people that i know
8- me too, always actually.
7- i liked yellow when i was little, now its annoys me.
6- you are worth investing time in, anyone who thinks baggage is too much, isnt worth your time
5- hmm, maybe ill give that a try! that ky warming stuff looks interesting too..
4- i usually dont either
3- i never wear earrings. i lose them constantly
2- thats so admirable
1- me too, unless i dont really know the person, or like them.. then i need lots of space. it takes me a while to warm up to people
0-*sigh* me too
-1- i was never into 'older' guys, like more than a few years, but i have met sooo many awsome people on sg, i have changed my mind about that.
-2- same here
-3- hehe, its cute
-4- i like those but i HATE HATE HATE zombie movies.
-5-i like poetry just fine
-6- i did