filmme

Whats a boy to do?

Heres the scoop. I fairly recently broke up with my girlfriend. We weren't doing so well (and theres a lot to that story) but whatevs. We love and care a lot about each other, but that extends to knowing that we shouldn't be together. Thats the Reader's Digest version of the sitch.

Anyways... so yesterday. Her cat of thirteen years dies in her arms. Her best friend who has been through it all with her. Her soulmate. It wasn't "just a cat" as all of her friends were saying. No one else really understands how much of a blow that is to her except me, and when I found out, I called her immediately even though we haven't spoken in weeks. I went over to her house to give her a hug and was met with a huge embrace and tears and yeah. It was, in the end, SO great to see her, despite the extremely sad circumstances. Shes MY best friend, y'know?

So later that night... she called me and asked me to come over and keep her company. She didn't want to be alone. She was drunk. Blah blah blah. She wanted me to be there for her. So I came immediately.

Like I said... she means the world to me. I'd cut my right arm off if she needed the flesh, y'know?

When I got there, instead of just letting things be and letting me just be there for her, she started in on the same old crap. "this doesn't mean we're back together. We don't work as a couple. Get your act together. I'm better off by myself." I was really hurt by all that, like I had some secondary motive for being there other than trying to console her through a tough time. She called me, for crying out loud.

I felt like I was being punished for just trying being her friend.

One of you fine friends knows the full story behind this and know that me giving us some space has nothing to do with me still being in love with her. Its a hard situation made harder by the fact that someone I really care about isn't giving me the benefit of the doubt. She isn't giving me any respect for my side of the situation or for the fact that I know what the changes I need to make are and that I actually am moving on with my life in a positive way to make them happen.

And that has nothing to do with wanting to be with her.

I'm making the changes for me. It's not like I'm going to hand her a checklist and say "look at these changes you think I should make. I've made them, now. Will you date me again?" Thats fucking ridiculous and makes me feel pretty shitty that she seems to think that of me.

I just don't know how to get that through to her and until I do... its going to be very hard to be friends with her.


And that makes me really, really sad.


I hope she's okay today.