So... Lets just say that life is a rollercoaster. Never know what to expect... I am looking at life as I know it flipping inside out in the next week or so... perhaps...in a good way... Anyhow... least things seem to be looing strangely entertaining for me...
Now...thanks to Kyle0man I get to answer a buncha questions and perhaps set a record for journal length for me... here goes....
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1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What,
exactly, did God spend more time on?
There, alas, is no God. I think that evolution did a pretty damn good job on Elise thou
2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protestors do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?
I would have to say midgets. Everyone thinks they are funny or cute or just so adorable. They just seem like a nice food group to me. Of course short-order cooks would come out in force to defend them flinging lolly pops and yellow bricks at my troops but they arent that smart to begin with so no real threat.
3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your lover?
Ron Livingston from Office Space fame as for my lover that would be reserved for my dream Alyssa Milano had a thing for her since I was just a kid
4. What flavor of diet coke do you next want?
Diet? Fuck that but it would most likely be coke with LEMON! Not this bullshit lime crap
5. Insert picture of what you think is the best.hair.ever.
6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas, who would you date/fuck?
I have a feeling it would be me getting fucked and from the way I have seen women cream and squirm across my bed I bet that I would like it more than I like sex now
7. Have you ever farted in public? if so, what were the circumstances?
Yea, and people bitch. I just dont give a fuck life is too short to worry about some flatulence.
8. Tell one crazy I cant believe how drunk I was story.
Well Hit a beer bong a few times, about a half dozen white Russians and a six pack. Then I tilted a bottle of Jack for a few chugs next thing I know I am wearing my friends (male) shirt, my shirt is mud covered as are my pants. I apparently was led outside by one of our less desirable whorish friends and fucked on the side of a hill in the mud must have been good because her bragging got me a couple of her friends down the roadbut it was definitely not my idea of a great time
9. Ideal Christmas stocking?
Those attached to the garter of my angel the few times she has been so kind as to wear them for memmmm
10. Who is Britney Spears soul mate?
A rusty door knob back that ass up you talentless cunt
11. What is the one book you think everyone should read?
Enders Gameby Orson Scott Card one of my all time favorites
12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.
I was at 235lb about a year ago
13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story, then join our club.
Champagne, Corona and Tequila night then to a friends house where we got stoned (I was in the military mind you). From there to the all night scum bag (a 24 hour bowling alley/pool hall) where we drank 2 more pitchers. On the ride home, me riding bitch in the pickup, my friend needed to blast the heaterI warned himhe wouldnt turn it offhe pulls over, I fly outside and puke in a medianthen ride home, through the gate of the base, in the bed of the truck.
14. Tell one too tired to finish masturbating story, then join our club.
I can not tell you how many times I have either been too tired to finish or just got bored halfway through and stopped nothing to care aboutI just seem to prefer assistance in ejaculation lately
15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie.
I shot a man once
The pope wrote me a letter once
I may be a father
I have genius level IQ
16. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture (just to make us smile).
Max...the cat my ex decided to skip town with...even thou we had joint visitation.........dont ask...
17. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?
I make a mean filet mignon in a toaster oven sounds strange but it melts in your mouth nice light rice side and a veggy of choice cant forget a nice merlot to accompany the meal too
18. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?
If you cant read this pick my face up off the floor
19. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?
Anything by Karin Rosenthal
20. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?
Surewhy not I would tie that bitch down and make her feel like the weak and helpless one for a change
21. Whats your favorite animal? show us.
Always liked the panther...
22. If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?
I would have to be black dark, mysterious and you cant really get a grasp on it because its just a little too deep to see to well
23. What turns you on? If it invovles a ball gag, please describe.
A good kisser god damn there is nothing that can be better than someone who just knows how to kiss and if you cant I definitely wont stick around very long.
24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal' ?
I would say 10
25. Why are ball gags sexy?
Never been my thing much like handcuffs its just something that carries bad memories for a friend so they are not sexy to me
26. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?
They are best when used for other purposes I like to pour pesto into them and freeze them into cubes. Then I can keep a bag of them in the freezer for a year and not have half and bottles of pesto go bad in the fridge all the time
27. What's the most painful thing you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?
My ex-wife when we were dating bit me on the shoulder/neck during sexthat muscle that runs across the topshe bit me so hard the entire thing bruised and was insanely sore for nearly 3 weeksbut it really worked when it was happening
28. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, youre a fucking whore.
I would pick someone I could talk to that wasnt too hideous to fuck a nice fuck is goodbut a couple weeks in I would go batshit talking to a doorknob.
29. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?
They could say I never keep promises complete bullshit but it would piss me off
30. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap on or would your partner
We would definitely switch-hit on that part of the relationship
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OK.... now get back to your regularly scheduled program... but Goob, and EvilFlapJack are getting tagged to do this next... if they read this far...
Now...thanks to Kyle0man I get to answer a buncha questions and perhaps set a record for journal length for me... here goes....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What,
exactly, did God spend more time on?
There, alas, is no God. I think that evolution did a pretty damn good job on Elise thou
2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protestors do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?
I would have to say midgets. Everyone thinks they are funny or cute or just so adorable. They just seem like a nice food group to me. Of course short-order cooks would come out in force to defend them flinging lolly pops and yellow bricks at my troops but they arent that smart to begin with so no real threat.
3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your lover?
Ron Livingston from Office Space fame as for my lover that would be reserved for my dream Alyssa Milano had a thing for her since I was just a kid
4. What flavor of diet coke do you next want?
Diet? Fuck that but it would most likely be coke with LEMON! Not this bullshit lime crap
5. Insert picture of what you think is the best.hair.ever.
6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas, who would you date/fuck?
I have a feeling it would be me getting fucked and from the way I have seen women cream and squirm across my bed I bet that I would like it more than I like sex now
7. Have you ever farted in public? if so, what were the circumstances?
Yea, and people bitch. I just dont give a fuck life is too short to worry about some flatulence.
8. Tell one crazy I cant believe how drunk I was story.
Well Hit a beer bong a few times, about a half dozen white Russians and a six pack. Then I tilted a bottle of Jack for a few chugs next thing I know I am wearing my friends (male) shirt, my shirt is mud covered as are my pants. I apparently was led outside by one of our less desirable whorish friends and fucked on the side of a hill in the mud must have been good because her bragging got me a couple of her friends down the roadbut it was definitely not my idea of a great time
9. Ideal Christmas stocking?
Those attached to the garter of my angel the few times she has been so kind as to wear them for memmmm
10. Who is Britney Spears soul mate?
A rusty door knob back that ass up you talentless cunt
11. What is the one book you think everyone should read?
Enders Gameby Orson Scott Card one of my all time favorites
12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.
I was at 235lb about a year ago
13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story, then join our club.
Champagne, Corona and Tequila night then to a friends house where we got stoned (I was in the military mind you). From there to the all night scum bag (a 24 hour bowling alley/pool hall) where we drank 2 more pitchers. On the ride home, me riding bitch in the pickup, my friend needed to blast the heaterI warned himhe wouldnt turn it offhe pulls over, I fly outside and puke in a medianthen ride home, through the gate of the base, in the bed of the truck.
14. Tell one too tired to finish masturbating story, then join our club.
I can not tell you how many times I have either been too tired to finish or just got bored halfway through and stopped nothing to care aboutI just seem to prefer assistance in ejaculation lately
15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie.
I shot a man once
The pope wrote me a letter once
I may be a father
I have genius level IQ
16. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture (just to make us smile).
Max...the cat my ex decided to skip town with...even thou we had joint visitation.........dont ask...
17. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?
I make a mean filet mignon in a toaster oven sounds strange but it melts in your mouth nice light rice side and a veggy of choice cant forget a nice merlot to accompany the meal too
18. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?
If you cant read this pick my face up off the floor
19. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?
Anything by Karin Rosenthal
20. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?
Surewhy not I would tie that bitch down and make her feel like the weak and helpless one for a change
21. Whats your favorite animal? show us.
Always liked the panther...
22. If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?
I would have to be black dark, mysterious and you cant really get a grasp on it because its just a little too deep to see to well
23. What turns you on? If it invovles a ball gag, please describe.
A good kisser god damn there is nothing that can be better than someone who just knows how to kiss and if you cant I definitely wont stick around very long.
24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal' ?
I would say 10
25. Why are ball gags sexy?
Never been my thing much like handcuffs its just something that carries bad memories for a friend so they are not sexy to me
26. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?
They are best when used for other purposes I like to pour pesto into them and freeze them into cubes. Then I can keep a bag of them in the freezer for a year and not have half and bottles of pesto go bad in the fridge all the time
27. What's the most painful thing you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?
My ex-wife when we were dating bit me on the shoulder/neck during sexthat muscle that runs across the topshe bit me so hard the entire thing bruised and was insanely sore for nearly 3 weeksbut it really worked when it was happening
28. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, youre a fucking whore.
I would pick someone I could talk to that wasnt too hideous to fuck a nice fuck is goodbut a couple weeks in I would go batshit talking to a doorknob.
29. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?
They could say I never keep promises complete bullshit but it would piss me off
30. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap on or would your partner
We would definitely switch-hit on that part of the relationship
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK.... now get back to your regularly scheduled program... but Goob, and EvilFlapJack are getting tagged to do this next... if they read this far...
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
evilflapjack:
Alright I did it!
goob:
I don't mind winter. I actually like winter. I just hate January. See, if I direct my hate at the month rather than the season, I have an excuse to go out and party every night in january to make up for my bad mood. 
Then by February I can relax a little.
Then by February I can relax a little.