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10 EMS calls 1 pt refusal and a working structure fire with extention... finally seeing my bed priceless...

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I have come to a realization today... it doesnt matter how long you have been in this career when you lose a patient it still screws up your head... I have been a firefighter/emt for ten years now and when I lost a patient today it still felt the same as it did ten years ago... not sure why im talking about this but hey...
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Why is it that hindsight is 20/20... why can't the present be 20/20... I know that im not perfect by any means and I know that I can be an asshole at times but I didn't realize how bad I truly was until I pretty much pushed the one that I care for the most away... I have tried to change some things before but...
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I just wish I could understand wtf is wrong with my brain so I could get it to just let me sleep.... stupid damn insomnia

lyamoon:
did you sleep ?
ffemtb56:
Nope and this is going to be yet another night of no sleep...