ferfachu5000

i am a liar... or am i?

i have come to the conclusion that i have really never been 100% honest to anyone in my life, that i can remember, anyway. That's a little bit sad and embarassing. Is anyone 100% honest with anyone?
well, i intend to be, at least to him. He deserves it and to tell the truth, its rather liberating.


now...
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I can't do always like this.

I feel crazy and he doesn't deserve crazy Jen. I wonder if his mind is swimming and wondering if he'll wake up with crazy jen biting at his heels or frothing at the mouth hanging from the ceiling fan, head spinning like a top...
its not my intention to be this unstable. Poor babyhead. the holidays without my mom...
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the boy...
he makes me wild.
his eyes make everything else fade away.
i seem to annoy him, though and i don't mean too.
seems like boys got a short temper, so
i need not provoke things.
i am here now and not moving to california, which makes me tickle inside with thoughts of the future.
of us.

we will be so great... if i...
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I guess I am Ferf.

I sleep on my upper arms and wake up with sore shoulder blade muscles.
I like creme brulee coffee mate, not necessarily in coffee.
Nascar makes me shudder, not the good kind of shudder.
I am staying in Medford now, going to SOU eventually... petrified at the thought of progressing... petrified and ecstatic.
I think this country is in a...
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I miss the old SG layout... i'm puzzled by so many options... like some kind of visual ADD...

i think i may be staying here for good. soon. this seriously changes things...

Lorna and Grace (and sometimes HANS!) are coming tomorrow! I love these girls so much. Lorna is my idol and she is so brilliant inside and out it makes me cry. Grace is, like her name suggest, graceful in her simplicity and innocence. I really look up to these guys and they inspire me to take things less seriously.
Having them here will be so...
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went to the beach with him. it was very therapeutic. i wish he was there with me though, instead of being there to show her. its a very confusing relation we have, him and her, him and i, or maybe just him and her and then me over in the corner for sometimes time. oh well, what can i do but enjoy what little ounces...
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nothing nothing nothing, yet, everything is going on in my head. i think i'm dealing with things great, like a pro, but then out of no where i'm driving to work and i start to gasp and a panic ensues.
I feel a whirlwind in my mind and its so easy to smile and pretend things are easy as pie, but inside, really truly deeply...
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I'm moving to California at the end of June.
I'll miss him most.
Things will be better.
They have to.

nothing particularly eventful happening today.
My thief cousin came over to the shop today, looking for a way to get to Cali. to 'better her life' and 'go to school'. She said she sent me a condolences card that was 'bad ass'. Like everything else that falls out of her mouth, I assumed the card to be a lie. She's on her way to San...
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