fenstar

I'm feeling so ambivalent towards everything. No. I don't think that's the word. I hate everything. I'm feeling aggressive and nasty and angry. My tolerance of anything is zero. I want to hide in my room and not have to inflict myself upon people. I think I need counselling. I need fucking something. Going off this medication has been ok (down to 50mg) but I'm not liking all this MEH that I have in me. I'm not normally like this at all. I need a job, I need money, I need so many things. But the motivation to do anything is not there. If I could stay in bed all day and do nothing I would. It's not that depressive staying in bed feeling, it's more of an avoidance of the world because it shits me so much. Make it go awaaaaaaaaay. I'm tired and headachey by 5pm every day, no matter what I do. I sometimes wish I'd never gone on these drugs, but who knows if I'd even be here if I didn't I am CONSTANTLY baiting my ex and I don't know why. At this rate I'll end up losing him, one of my closest friends all in one go. I'm snotty at my Dad, i'm snotty at my cousin, gah. I accidentally read an email my sister was reading on my laptop, from our Dad, he was saying he was worried about me. It made me realise how much I have pulled away from everyone. I don't even make the effort anymore. I've got nothing to tell. My life is boring and I am a lazy fucking cunt.