I am pleased as punch to announce the return of my custom throw pillows!
Unfortunately, this is the only one I have a picture of, but it gives a basic idea of what I do:
The cost is $30 for one pillow, including shipping and handling. I accept Paypal and concealed cash.
Images:
Your pillow may have any image on it you can possibly think of, as long as you can link me to a decent resolution/size copy of the picture. For a reduced fee (depending on materials), I can make blank pillows to match any requested color scheme. For $40, I will make your pillow double sided (one image on each side).
Style:
I can incorporate 2 requested colors in your pillow. If no color requests are made, I will match the picture however I think looks best, usually using a black background. Typically, pillows will have a ruffle adorning the edge. For additional material fees, I can cater to very specific material and color requests (i.e. pink lace for the ruffle, red velvet for the pillow body, etc.)
If interested, email me with the picture/s you would like, as well as any other preferences or requests.
Please feel free to email me with any questions!
(Comments will take longer to reply to.)
In other news, I'm going to be 20 years old in one month and one day. Fucking weeeeeeeeird. I think it's closer to the 15th anniversary of my 5th birthday. I may have boobs, but I spent four dollars today on a pint of ice cream just because it had fudge dinosaurs in it (thank you Ben and Jerry's). Anyway I'm not anticipating anything as intense as my 18th birthday pre-life crisis (which mostly consistesd of about 5 minutes of staring out into space, followed by a Keanu Reeves-esque "whoa") but it is weird to think I won't be a teenager anymore. When you're a teenager and you do something stupid people say, "oh, they're just being a teenager." Once you don't have that excuse anymore, people say, "oh, they're just being a dick."
OH WELL CHICKEN BELL
My jeans are covered in fish slime, and luckily it happens that GETS HIM OFF.
(Did I mention that, at camping, I caught 4 fish with a fishing pole made by Mle out of a stick, then, with JermHawk's assistance and instruction, gutted, cleaned, scaled, and cooked them? I think I did already mention it, because the joke I was about to make about not needing any help with eating them sounds familiar. I'm too lazy to check. I DON'T CARE CHICKEN BEAR.
Check out my badass casting skills::
There are so many great pictures of people from this trip, I want to post them all, while hugging each of the subjects. But I can't. So I'm just going to post ones of me while hugging myself. Because I'm a self-centered prick God.
SO the other day minimalism909 and I spotted the new Starburst smoothie soda thing and decided try it, since we both love Starburst. Unfortunately, it was a nauseating NutraSweet-tasting death nectar from the bowels of Mars. Enraged and bored, I wrote a long, humorously overblown letter detailing our trip to Sam's Club, our excitement at discovering the product, and our dismay at its disgustosity to the address of the bottling plant, requesting it be forwarded to the party responsible for assaulting my tastebuds. It was full of wordy rage and grossly extended metaphors, but really I was just hoping they'd send me free candy. I wish I had saved a copy of it to post as it was a thing of beauty, but those who are familiar with my writing style when I'm on a roll and/or angry about food will be able to imagine what it was like. I included my email address, and here's the response I received today:
Ms. Church,
First and foremost, you have a wonderful talent at telling a story, and I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed your letter. Thanks.
However, I am sorry to hear of your disappointment in the product. We are the manufacturer of the product, which is licensed and controlled, as you know, by M&M Mars. This is the flavor profile they were targeting for. I'm wishing they could have found more aficionados like you while developing the product. Perhaps it might have been closer to the 'real deal' J
Like you, I love Jolly Rancher candies, and have yet to find a Jolly Rancher product that came anywhere close to the candy flavor. They are all doomed to pass, in my mind, anyway.
I will give the R&D group at Mars your valuable feedback. Maybe we will meet your expectations some day. Thanks again for making my day with your excellent writing skills, oh year, and for contacting us with your opinion.
Please feel free to contact me at any time.
Best Regards,
Mark
Mark Trail, Ph.D.
Director, Quality Assurance
Jasper Products, LLC.
3877 E. 27th Street
Joplin, MO 64804
(417) 208-1325
Highlights:
1. The phrasing in the last paragraph in which he thanks me for making his day, then goes on to correct himself (with an "oh") that it was in fact his year that was made.
2. His encouragement for me to "feel free to contact him at anytime."
3. The fact that the man is a Ph.D.
I don't know why I find that last part so funny. I guess it's the fact that I wrote a ranting letter about shitty soda to a stranger with a doctorate.
Oh, and the candy in question was Starburst, NOT Jolly Ranchers. He got it right in the email subject line (more or less..."Starbust") but wrong in the email. Weird. Jolly Rancher soda would be the shit, though.
unfound return countdown:
117 days!!!
awesome pillow. i think i may have to order one.