fellinibird

So, fuck everything. Having the person you love taken from you is just...terrible. I'm at a stand still. I can't even go buy booze to drown my sorrows because it's fucking Veteran's Day and the banks are closed. Why is life such a bitch some days?

This weekend I'm taking all the money I've saved to go visit him and I'm going to go blow it all on myself. I don't even give a fuck. I've been planning my life around him for so long, FOR NOTHING. If there is one thing I can't get down with in a "relationship" it's being the only person who is able to put in much effort. And now he'll be gone for I don't even know how long. There comes a point where I have to think about myself and not put him first every single fucking time. Brooklyn fell through, I can't pull that shit off on my own. Now this looks like it's stalling. I don't need a new car, in fact I wish I didn't even have a car. I don't want to go to school. So I'm going to do a bunch of drugs and drink and forget it all for a few days. In fact I'm going to pawn my guitar and my jewelry just to make it worth my while. Fuck everything. Hopefully I make it out alive and well enough to keep in touch with some of you. However, right now I'm totally disenchanted with any and everything so if you don't want that to rub off on you, just avoid me for awhile.

EDIT: I mean, it still sucks. Real bad.