fellinibird

Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours


THAT is what i want. but do I already have it? I hope I do.

here are things you might not know about me:

I hate creating subject titles to emails. I usually pick something that doesn't pertain to the subject of the email or post at all.

I have a LOT of scars. too many to count. all over.

I'm secretly obsessed with Chanel even though I know the only Chanel item I'll ever own is a bottle of their nail lacquer.

Anytime I've ever made a decent living I've blown all the proceeds. ALL of the proceeds.

I haven't eaten a pomegranate in seven years but I remember loving them.

Persimmons are my favorite fruit. I've only ever eaten three.

I've played my viola in Carnegie Hall. twice.

If the movie Almost Famous comes on tv I will stop whatever it is that I'm doing and watch the rest of it.

I've dated people of color more often than I've dated anyone who looks like me. That isn't based on any reason or preference, it's just a matter of fact.

I really enjoy the smell of library books.

The feeling of hands placed gently on my hips from behind instantly makes me hot and bothered.

Sometimes, when the beauty of the world hits me, I cry in public places.

I have never been on a plane. And therefore, I have a very limited view of the world.

Really, I don't know what love is.


And on that note. I would cut off my right leg to find the love of my life and marry them. Under the condition that we'd live happily ever after. Are there guarantees in life, ever? I don't think so, but I want nothing more than I want lifetime guarantees.

I am so normal. My thoughts are so very non-unique. I wonder if I've ever thought anything original.

Oh a happy note, I think I have a slim chance with this new organic bakery that's opening up here. If I don't get it, I'll be crying, so look for that entry, because I'm not expecting much from life these days.

So here's an analogy to what I feel about my love life. At this moment I feel like I just had a kitten. This kitten was fucking adorable. I think in my perfect world this kitten was white and it had blue eyes. It had all the working parts and the best name and it never did anything to upset me. We got him all his shots and made sure that he was in good health. I think it was probably hypoallergenic, too. It was the perfect pet, the ideal fucking kitten. And then something happened, someone probably made me really sad or maybe I was just extra hormonal, and I kicked this kitten really hard because it was in my line of fire. I just killed the kitten. I killed it dead. It was the only thing I ever needed to make my life truly complete. And I just watched it die.

HAPPY. right? que sera sera.