felix7

Ok, part two of the mini bio. (A bit of an oxymoron)

I left off just after marriage: We have been divorced for just about five years and I have custody of our daughter. My daughter Caitlin is the most wonderful person and all any parent could ask for. For this reason, I will never begrudge my experience with her mother, for I am the luckiest father in the world. Oh and I have full custody. /biggrin

Ok, now for a little filet of soul, and not the fish. (although I loved grilled fish)


The Chameleon

I operate as a chameleon in my personality. Often conforming my speech, accent, body language to the surrounding company I find myself in. I flow into this with often no thought at all. This is not to say that I only operate in this manor, or that there is no center point to go back to. It only happens when I sense that it would be beneficial & with someone I do not know and am unlikely to meet again. Sometimes if I have a friend with me that knows me better, they will ask me about it later. Examples of this are when talking to someone with a country persona; I will slow down my speech & drawl out my accent. I will use terms, such as "Dang man" or "Don't that just beat all". Phrases I would not use in my everyday speech. Not only that, but I will adjust my physical standing to match. When someone I know sees this, they are often surprised. My mother & sister used to know me as a mumbler, then they saw me make a phone call to a reality agent in regards to getting a key for the pool at a place were staying, they were both shocked to hear my "professional phone voice" as it was not something they had ever experienced. I did not even realize that I had been using it.

This ability is something that has its advantages. I am able to fit into almost any social setting with little trouble. I know what to say & how to say it so that I gain acceptance from the group. However, I do not truly fit in & the group knows this as well. It is more like they tolerate me just long enough for my stay. It works in the short term, not for the long term. I am sensitive to this & generally know when I have worn out my welcome. However in most settings that this is used, it is only for a short duration & only with strangers.

Some examples of this, in Jr. High school, I could move between groups during lunch & say honestly that I had a friend in each one. In reality & upon reflection I had a contact in each one. I was able to spend time with the cool kids, the jocks, the nerds, the rednecks, the blacks & the others. I fit in each group for a short time, and then moved on to another if I felt my welcome running out. As a result I was popular with a large section of the school & while I often spent more time with the cool kids I was never truly one of them. I moved between the smaller segments quite often, so as not to overstay my welcome. I would have to say I never truly felt comfortable in any large group. In a smaller group of people I have no problem. I am guessing this is sort of like putting a chameleon in a room with a rainbow of colors. While he might be able to reproduce some of the colors, he is not likely to match all of the colors to truly blend in. If you place him in a setting with fewer colors and he will adjust quickly to the best color to match his needs. The amount I say & what I say will depend on who is in the group & how well I know them. Often coworkers think of me as a bit conservative, but once they get to know me a little better, (really it is me getting to know them a little better) they are a bit surprised to find I am a bit more wide open.

The disadvantages of this personality is that I am not entirely sure of who I am.

I have been working on this of late.



Today I wrote 3 full pages on my ex (I could fill 3 books), while the writing flows pretty well; it takes a lot out of me. I feel drained afterwards. I have managed to bury many of the more unpleasant memories away. It is comfortable to do so, but it eats at me from the core. I am learning to deal with it and move on. Or at least I am trying to.

Ok, all for now, but on a sad note.

Yesterday I went to my Uncle's funeral. He was a good man, a quiet man, but the kind of person you could depend on to be there when needed. He was 66, and just a few months older than my dad. This has hit my dad very hard partially as he had gotten close to his brother in law in the past ten years, but also because they were so close in age.

A strange thing happened at the service. There was a Christmas tree in the back of the church, directly behind the alter. On it there were lace ornaments and on the lower right hand side, was a tree. The entire service the tree moved back and forth in a gentle fashion. None of the other ornaments moved at all. The branch it was on did not move either. I figured there must be an air duct near it somewhere. After the funeral, I was talking to two of my aunt's close friends and they brought up the ornament. What they told me was that after the service, while the family was on the way out, the ornament stopped moving. They asked the minister if there were any air ducts back there & he advised no. Sounds corny, but it is true.

He will be missed.