felineasaurus

i feel like i've lost my appeal. no one wants me. I dont know what to do anymore... the guy i'm in love with doesnt love me back the way he said he did for all those months. I'm pretty sure jon's got a new girlfriend up in glenburn. heck with him. I just dont know what to do anymore. i feel like crying. i've lost everything i care for. and i dont know what to do about it. I dont even know where to begin to fix it. ugh. i wish i woulda just stayed focused on school. maybe i wouldnt of had any of this drama. People hate me for what i did to jordan. I'm sorry, if i could trade places and give you a second chance i would. i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. i miss jordan terribly, and it's fucking affecting everything i do. it blows. I guess all i can say is you're right Jordan, i ruined everything. and if i could, i'd do it all over, i'd refrain myself from dating you, so you could still be here, and i wouldnt have to deal with losing you too. i lost all of my friends once i moved, so i dont really have many of those. Seeing as i'm in all online classes, i can't really make friends there. I can't get a job. I feel like i'm a failure. I'm sure none of you really wanted to hear this. and if i could make it private so only i can see it, i would.. Sorry you need to hear about this.

and Jordan, if you read this, i am sorry. i really truly am. you have no idea how much i think about everything i did wrong, and how much i ruined your future. i'm sorry for everything i have done to you. i'm sorry i cut myself, i'm sorry i said everything i did. i'm sorry for lying, i'm sorry for dating you, i'm sorry for making you think that you loved me, and wanted to marry me.. but i'm not sorry for all the happy memories we had..