Is This A Trick Question?
According to a recent survey all of us get asked at least eight rhetorical questions every day - or if not in the strict terms of "rhetorical", then at least some wonderfully redundant ones. Since I have too much time on my hands and an enquiring mind I decided to take a random selection of those that have recently been put to me and think about how in future situations I could respond.
Q) Who the hell do you think you are?!
A) *calmly* I am your lord and master, bow down.
Q) What is wrong with you?!
A) *deep sigh* Many, many things. I would tell you but I doubt your ability to keep a secret.
Q) Are you blind?!
A) Yes. I left my white stick on the bus.
Q) Are you deaf?!
A) Pardon?
Q) Is this seat taken?
A) No. I'd like it to stay that way.
Q) How long is a piece of string?
A) Twice as long as half its length.
Q) How was your day?
A) *striking a wide-legged Shakespearean actors pose* It began whenst a ball of burning gas ascended the sky, blazing in its purpose thus all the better to dispel those misty seams arising from the verdant field. Creatures of these sunlit hours emerged to forage in the gathering light. Mine eyes, encrusted with sleep, fluttered delicately their dark lashes then opened to regard the dawnetc. etc.
Q) What's up?
A) North.
Of course all of these answers could be exchanged for the ultimate riposte, "Your mum", but sometimes you really want to throw down the gauntlet to idiots.
Fun Felidae Fact: In addition to our eight stupid questions per day, we get eight hotdog/burger buns (which has never worked in proportion to the amount of meat you buy), eight octopus legs, eight ears in a string quartet, eight days of the week according to Lennon, eight bits in a byte, eight fingers (think about it), and the average number of spiders a human consciously or unconsciously digests in a lifetime is also eight.
According to a recent survey all of us get asked at least eight rhetorical questions every day - or if not in the strict terms of "rhetorical", then at least some wonderfully redundant ones. Since I have too much time on my hands and an enquiring mind I decided to take a random selection of those that have recently been put to me and think about how in future situations I could respond.
Q) Who the hell do you think you are?!
A) *calmly* I am your lord and master, bow down.
Q) What is wrong with you?!
A) *deep sigh* Many, many things. I would tell you but I doubt your ability to keep a secret.
Q) Are you blind?!
A) Yes. I left my white stick on the bus.
Q) Are you deaf?!
A) Pardon?
Q) Is this seat taken?
A) No. I'd like it to stay that way.
Q) How long is a piece of string?
A) Twice as long as half its length.
Q) How was your day?
A) *striking a wide-legged Shakespearean actors pose* It began whenst a ball of burning gas ascended the sky, blazing in its purpose thus all the better to dispel those misty seams arising from the verdant field. Creatures of these sunlit hours emerged to forage in the gathering light. Mine eyes, encrusted with sleep, fluttered delicately their dark lashes then opened to regard the dawnetc. etc.
Q) What's up?
A) North.
Of course all of these answers could be exchanged for the ultimate riposte, "Your mum", but sometimes you really want to throw down the gauntlet to idiots.
Fun Felidae Fact: In addition to our eight stupid questions per day, we get eight hotdog/burger buns (which has never worked in proportion to the amount of meat you buy), eight octopus legs, eight ears in a string quartet, eight days of the week according to Lennon, eight bits in a byte, eight fingers (think about it), and the average number of spiders a human consciously or unconsciously digests in a lifetime is also eight.
straif:
