i dont think im happy... i think that i might be missing way too much... and i dont like that... i just got here and now i cant wait to get the fuck outta here...
by the way... heres a letter i wrote to someone... its kinda about all the shit that went down... most of you wont know who this letter is about... but those close to me will know exactly who im talking about.
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How can you sit there and tell me you love me and then completely get rid of me? What the fuck kind of love is that? Please inform me on it because i guess my take on all forms of love was COMPLETELY wrong.
I threw away a very good portion of my life and friends for you. And i put up with soooo much fucking bullshit and dirty looks just for you, and what did you decide to do? You fucking threw me away with this weeks trash pick up. All over a fucking bitch. A bitch which by the way who could NEVER compare to others as much as she would try... and come to think of it she's doesn't even try. No wonder why soooo many people hate her and dog her! I mean come on really... did you think i was an idiot. You made up excuses for a fucking bitch. You boast about my intellegince yet sit there and feed me and other people bullshit lies when we all know damn well what happened. Yet somehow i was the one that always made an excuse... what exactly did i make excuses about?
I'm not as fucking strong as YOU and others think i am. Yeah I'm a tough chick and i can hold my own when needed be... but emotionally I'm the weakest person and a fucking train wreck. Out of all the people I've loved in my life none of them have failed me in the ways you have. I counted on you... I FUCKING NEEDED YOU! Yet you could never presented yourself. You blamed others for your flaws and faults... never taking responisibilities for your own actions. I always blamed myself for my flaws... well now I'm wise, now I'm fucking smarter. It was never my fucking fault. IT WAS YOU! You're the reason for my depression, you're the reason that i shed tears some nights when i sleep, you're the reason i hate to look to the future, you're the reason i have abandonment issues, MY GOD YOU'RE ALL THE FUCKING REASONS!!!
How can you fucking sit there and make something so beautiful with such an amazing and careing heart and just toss it out the window like a cigarette butt? Throwing me out without any care what-so-ever. I guess a piece of pussy really does have a tight girp on men. Man jeremy was right. Its sad that a 24 year old guys seems to be wiser than yourself. For shame.... for shame. To be quite honest... maybe it was the best. There are people that love and care for me. People that would stay by my side rather than by the side of some random cheating whore they haven't known for much time. And i guess i shouldn't dwell on what you have done to me. Rather i should look forward to my future with all the amazing people I've been lucky enough to have. Its kind of sad when in this point in my life... i can honestly say that i love my own fucking dog more than a prick like you.
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there ya go... thanks for running out again dad... some father you turned out to be. and its a shame it took me 22 years to realize these things.
by the way... the thing i miss the most... is james <3
by the way... heres a letter i wrote to someone... its kinda about all the shit that went down... most of you wont know who this letter is about... but those close to me will know exactly who im talking about.
______________________________________________________
How can you sit there and tell me you love me and then completely get rid of me? What the fuck kind of love is that? Please inform me on it because i guess my take on all forms of love was COMPLETELY wrong.
I threw away a very good portion of my life and friends for you. And i put up with soooo much fucking bullshit and dirty looks just for you, and what did you decide to do? You fucking threw me away with this weeks trash pick up. All over a fucking bitch. A bitch which by the way who could NEVER compare to others as much as she would try... and come to think of it she's doesn't even try. No wonder why soooo many people hate her and dog her! I mean come on really... did you think i was an idiot. You made up excuses for a fucking bitch. You boast about my intellegince yet sit there and feed me and other people bullshit lies when we all know damn well what happened. Yet somehow i was the one that always made an excuse... what exactly did i make excuses about?
I'm not as fucking strong as YOU and others think i am. Yeah I'm a tough chick and i can hold my own when needed be... but emotionally I'm the weakest person and a fucking train wreck. Out of all the people I've loved in my life none of them have failed me in the ways you have. I counted on you... I FUCKING NEEDED YOU! Yet you could never presented yourself. You blamed others for your flaws and faults... never taking responisibilities for your own actions. I always blamed myself for my flaws... well now I'm wise, now I'm fucking smarter. It was never my fucking fault. IT WAS YOU! You're the reason for my depression, you're the reason that i shed tears some nights when i sleep, you're the reason i hate to look to the future, you're the reason i have abandonment issues, MY GOD YOU'RE ALL THE FUCKING REASONS!!!
How can you fucking sit there and make something so beautiful with such an amazing and careing heart and just toss it out the window like a cigarette butt? Throwing me out without any care what-so-ever. I guess a piece of pussy really does have a tight girp on men. Man jeremy was right. Its sad that a 24 year old guys seems to be wiser than yourself. For shame.... for shame. To be quite honest... maybe it was the best. There are people that love and care for me. People that would stay by my side rather than by the side of some random cheating whore they haven't known for much time. And i guess i shouldn't dwell on what you have done to me. Rather i should look forward to my future with all the amazing people I've been lucky enough to have. Its kind of sad when in this point in my life... i can honestly say that i love my own fucking dog more than a prick like you.
____________________________________________________________
there ya go... thanks for running out again dad... some father you turned out to be. and its a shame it took me 22 years to realize these things.
by the way... the thing i miss the most... is james <3
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as for the house of awesome or apt of rad, there is not telling whats going on. odds are i wont get that job im just holding my breath till i hear back.
and you will see me again fefe! even if i have to go up to stafford!
haha besides i want to see jc again some day your puppy and you