fefedinosaur

OMG... ok so this past like week was INSANE !! and the weekend before that... and thank fucking god for joe and jacklyn and kris ... i would die or go crazy if it werent for them...


so me and the bf got in this CRAZY huge fight... and pretty much it boiled down to way too much confusion and getting emotionally hurt . one second hes telling me he hates me adn i ruined his life then he tells me he loves me and i taught him so much. im not going to go into detail for the simple fact that i dont think he will appreciate that too much... BUT... he left the house for like 5 days and went to his bands house. needless to say during this time i was massively hurt and totally confused and didnt know if i should move out of FL or if i should stay and wade it out. of course i took comfort in kris, joe and jacklyn... told them everything that was going on and told them that i HAD to get out of the house. they told me to keep my mind off everything and calm down. well there inlied the problem. it was hard not to think about him when i live with him and i was in our room and EVERYTHING around me was his... therefore i thought about him nonstop. i couldnt eat or sleep and felt sick ... for 5 fucking days!!!!

well during this time it was kris' 21st bday. so of course i had to take him out. which i did. BUT in the back of my mind was jusitn the whole time. i talked to joe and our game plan was that i go out with kris then me and kris meet up with joe and everyone else later on that evening. it was st. patricks day so we all planned to party. again... it was REALLY hard for me. BUT... i pulled through and went out. i took kris to a strip club down the street from my house. he payed the cover fee for me and him... so i bought us the first drinks. after that if he wanted a drink he was on his own, lol. we got a little drunk and then we bought a double lap dance... then i bought him his own lap dance. we got them from the ONLY hot chicks in the place, lol. i do regret buying him the last one because that bitch was HOT !!! lol... well after that we were a little drunk (then again thats expected when you are drinking long island ice teas, lol) and we started to head to joes place. then i called joe to figure out where i had to go and he told me that everyone was drunk and passing out... LOSERS!!!! lol... so me and kris decided to go back to my place. he stayed the night cause he was drunk and i wouldnt let him ride his bike back to his place. i TRIED to sleep in my room on the bed and he slept in the family room. i got no sleep however. maybe i should have slept on the couch, lol.

well the next morning he left and we made plans to chill again that night. i really couldnt stand to be alone in this time frame with jsutin gone and me being an emotional wreck. later that night we grabbed some liqour and headed to joes place to get drunk and chill out. out of the blue justin called me. it was so amazing to hear his voice again. he called to tell me that he was doing ok and that he didnt want me to worry anymore. i told him i was at joes place. so he cut the call short and told me to call him later that night. while there i only really had like one beer. however everyone else was a little on the drunk side... it was fun. there was this whole fucking arsenal of fucking beebee guns, lol... can you tell where this is leading to????? so of course we HAD to have a shoot out, lol. it was awesome... it randomly went on all night long. one of joes roomates shot me in the face, LOL... i had this like red welt on my cheek for DAYS!!!

i called justin at about 2 am to tell him i was going to be going home soon and to see if he was coming home aswell. he told me that he missed me and he wanted to come home... i figured that was a good sign. well kris drove that night so on the way home i called justin and told him that kris was driving and if he is coming home that me and kris will get him. he said he was falling asleep and that he was comfortable there so he will be home in the morning.

well the 5th day of him being gone arrived. i called him in the morning but he wasnt awake. then he finally called me in the afternoon and said that he was going to have band practice really quick and then he was working on some designs for this kick ass band. so i coped with that and said that i hope to see him tonight... WELL.... the time finally came . he IMed me and said that he was going to come home now and for me to go lay down and try to sleep and that once he got home he would come in and lay down with me. well i guess his ride decided to go out instead. so he called me an hour later and asked me to come get him. so i had to get out of bed and head to the bands house to get him. there was really no one there but him and louise. it felt soooooooooo fucking great to see him again. i wanted to give him a huge hug and kiss but i figured i would let him make the first move. i didnt want to rush shit ya know. the whole time there he knew i hadnt been eating or sleeping so he kept trying to feed my chips, lol. then we finally bought me a salad at micky d's. the whole time i was there he kept staring at me... the kinda stare when you first start to date someone and your in aww of them. it felt good to be looked at like that again. THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!! we were sitting on the couch and he put his arm around me and cuddled me. louise was in the room so i leaned over and whispered in my bfs ear and i said "do you still hate me?" he looked like DEEPLY in my eyes and was like "no. i never did"

so... we went back home later that night and snuggled the night away... we couldnt and STILL cant keep our hands of each other . its like we have our spark back ya know. its like nothing ever happened. and we talked about it the first night he got back. just to get things out of the way... but we've chosen not to speak of it since. just because it was a hard time for the both of ua. and i would much rather dwell on the future and all the good with us then dwell on a bad past week ya know?

i think him being gone for that time made us both realize how much we love and care for each other and how much we missed each other. as much as i hated that time alone im somewhat greatful for it... its made us closer then before. and like i said i honestly dont think i could have made it through that time without kris, joe and jacklyn. the saved me from insanity.


SPEAKING OF WHICH.... JOE... UH HUM..... hopefully me and joe will be shooting my first SG shoot!!! ive been accepted for a while now and yes i have slacked a bit... BUT... now that i have joe to do my pics i am trying to get on the ball with this... and be ready... cause once the first shoot goes up... im not going to stop and im going to do a million shoots, LOL. come to think of it... I WANT TO DO MY SG SHOOT RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!!!!!


on a totally random and yet awesome note... i won a hoodie from [adult swim] and it came in the mail like 2 days ago!!! it sooooooo fucking awesome... however its a large so i think i will just give it to my bf and then buy a small for me, lol. but its a totally comfortable hoodie.... OMG i love it sooooooooo damn much. its a shame its a large. i still wear it though... but it makes me look like a little fattie, LOL.


anyway i just realize how much i just fucking wrote in this fucking thing!!! so i think im going to get going now and save you all the trouble of reading a fucking novel, LOL.