fdzee

The last couple of weeks ive been stopping in Arizona with my ex girlfriend Jenny and things with us havent really gone as planned. I blame myself for it really, i think im just bitter and expecting something that wasnt going to happen. It saddens me so much how things with us are so fucked up. I love her so so much and potentially i see us being best of friends but for wotever reason this hasnt happened. Neither of us are perfect but i know you dont love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.

I feel bitter towards her.Am i bitter because shes seeing other people? i dont think so. am i bitter because we never did the naughtys? maybe. Im i bitter because she has no feelings for me anymore? maybe. Is it a combo of the three? proberly. I feel like we can't really talk to each other the way we can. I dont feel myself around her. I want to be able to just chat and chat like i do with my other girly mates but i feel i cant. something wont let me. I got home in a couple of days and i am sad. maybe me comming to AZ was just too soon.

I feel like a cunt because i know she has life issues but i feel like i have let her down, i feel like im not supporting her like i can/should. If i really loved her like i say i do i would take it on the chin and simply be there for her and thats what ive not been doing and for that i hate myself. I'll never get over how ive treated her in the past but i guess the point will come when it doesnt bother me as much. im certain things between us at some point will be amazing and that time cant come soon enough i guess the saying nothing in this world worth having comes easy has some truth to it. I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be.

paull