***LONG JOURNAL WARNING***
Okay, first things first, cell phone # yet again (yes, I will post this until we're all settled from the move, and possibly afterwards
)
(484)832-4300
I figure I should take down the angry journal. We're not really angry anymore, now it's more like impatience. However, the next date for signing the papers is Tuesday(which means I'll miss Shark Week on Discovery). We're not really getting our hopes up too much until it happens, but just in case it does, here is the "goodbye for a while" post.
Now, some may ask "Bob, you jackass, why not buy your own house instead of renting space from your friend?" There are two reasons. First is that I just don't have enough money for a down payment, that simple. Second is that it will be a learning experience. As some of you know I'm a carpenter for a living, and my friend is buying a place that needs work. He is cutting me a deal on rent in exchange for services rendered from me. The way I'm thinking is that when it's time for me to buy my own house should I be so fortunate, this will be a great learning experience for me as to just what the differences are between renting and owning. The problems you face, the things that are done for you that you take for granted, stuff like that. Plus I'm helping my buddy with his mortgage, which is cool.
I realize that all I've been talking about is the house situation recently and not what's going on inside my demented, troll-like brain.. so let's fix that.
***SEMI-EMO RANT WARNING, SKIP TO BOTTOM FOR SONG AND SUCH***
I have come to realize that I am a very depressed and lonely person. I say this now not sad, just stating facts. I have this dream of moving far, far away from the area where I am now. Not that I don't like this area, but I've been here my whole life. This is of course a double-edged sword, because moving to a new area means new surroundings and a "fresh start" yes, but it also means leaving everything and everyone I know behind. Even with this desire to move away, I can't for another year or so. While it is easy enough to transfer my job to other places, it takes five years to be vested in my retirement fund, I've been in for four. That means if I leave now I lose all of that, and I'm just responsible enough (not by much though) to think of that. I'm not even sure of I will move out from this area, but I really want the freedom to do so. If I do move though, it's the same deal. I will still have the PA retirement fund, but will need five years in the new place to be vested in that area. If I go there and in a month or two decide I don't like it there, that is no problem, but if it's a year or more until I realize that that isn't the place for me, I'm stuck again. This plus my bad social anxiety and introvertedness would make it hard for me to adapt to a brand new surrounding.
Totally different note, I'm trying to learn how to take compliments. Usually I just dismiss them, try to deny them, and compliment the other person in return to get the attention off of me. I realize this may be frustrating to some people. It's not that I don't believe the person who is giving the compliment's sincerity, I believe that they think those things are true. I think it's more that I don't think that way about myself, I don't see what they see.
Another different note, I've been single now for a full three and a half years, and I hate every second of it. Yes, it's been that long since the last time I've had sex too, but honestly that's not what I miss. I miss the companionship, just the feeling that there is someone there for you when you need them to talk to, to cuddle with, to sleep with (the actual act of sleeping) and yes, have sex with as well.
***POSSIBLE TMI ALERT***
I am a much bigger fan of foreplay myself, and would much rather give services than recieve them. In my whole (very short) sexual life I have only came from sex or an act of sex done to me (and not by me) once. I say this as no bullshit, it's fact. I take much more pleasure in doing and giving the pleasure and am very uncomfortable (socially and sexually) when the focus is on just me. I realize I have had very little "practice" in this area, but the few times it has happened I actually felt her cum. It was a fantastic feeling, and made me feel good too.
***END TMI RANT***
The problem with this is, once again, I have bad social anxiety and am extremely introverted. I can't go to bars alone and expect to do anything more than stand in a corner by myself like a creepy troll. When I go to a bar with friends my focus is on who I know and I usually can't get out more than a simple greeting and maybe a short conversation to anyone new. I've tried the internet, but haven't kept up with it as much as I should have for a reason that I'm too embarrassed to mention even after what I said above. Hopefully that will be fixed Tuesday. I desperately need a girlfriend and really have no idea what else to do. I have major self-confidence issues, and being 5'3" does not help one little bit.
***END EMO RANT***
So there you have it, that's where I am right now. I normally don't talk about myself much, but when I do, I tend to let it all out without stopping. So anyways, here is the song:
Soundgarden - Fresh Tendrils (I've been on a Soundgarden kick recently, if you can't tell)
Aside from the Lovecraft themed sleeve, this will be my next tattoo (small project):
The way I want it is the Red Star and the Discoverer in the circle like this design of the album art. Maybe a darker shade of red, and with black shading instead of purple. I'm thinking right thigh or calf. If anyone sees this please give me feedback as to colors, placement, anything! Any feedback whatsoever is 100% appreciated. After this maybe will be the black hole of Cygnus X-1 for the next small project. I've also been thinking of getting a piercing, but don't know what I should get. I was thinking either lip, eyebrow, or nipples. I'm not into gauging the earlobes and the only other spot in the ear where I'd get one (or many) wouldn't be good for work because I have to wear a hard hat. I have to think of work with piercings as a safety issue. Please, any suggestions or comments on the tattoos, colors, placement, anything.. is much appreciated. Even if it's to tell me you think it's a shitty idea (I'll probably still do it anyway, but your vote matters!)
If you made it this far, thank you. And hopefully I will see you before too long.
-Bob
Okay, first things first, cell phone # yet again (yes, I will post this until we're all settled from the move, and possibly afterwards
)(484)832-4300
I figure I should take down the angry journal. We're not really angry anymore, now it's more like impatience. However, the next date for signing the papers is Tuesday(which means I'll miss Shark Week on Discovery). We're not really getting our hopes up too much until it happens, but just in case it does, here is the "goodbye for a while" post.
Now, some may ask "Bob, you jackass, why not buy your own house instead of renting space from your friend?" There are two reasons. First is that I just don't have enough money for a down payment, that simple. Second is that it will be a learning experience. As some of you know I'm a carpenter for a living, and my friend is buying a place that needs work. He is cutting me a deal on rent in exchange for services rendered from me. The way I'm thinking is that when it's time for me to buy my own house should I be so fortunate, this will be a great learning experience for me as to just what the differences are between renting and owning. The problems you face, the things that are done for you that you take for granted, stuff like that. Plus I'm helping my buddy with his mortgage, which is cool.
I realize that all I've been talking about is the house situation recently and not what's going on inside my demented, troll-like brain.. so let's fix that.
***SEMI-EMO RANT WARNING, SKIP TO BOTTOM FOR SONG AND SUCH***
I have come to realize that I am a very depressed and lonely person. I say this now not sad, just stating facts. I have this dream of moving far, far away from the area where I am now. Not that I don't like this area, but I've been here my whole life. This is of course a double-edged sword, because moving to a new area means new surroundings and a "fresh start" yes, but it also means leaving everything and everyone I know behind. Even with this desire to move away, I can't for another year or so. While it is easy enough to transfer my job to other places, it takes five years to be vested in my retirement fund, I've been in for four. That means if I leave now I lose all of that, and I'm just responsible enough (not by much though) to think of that. I'm not even sure of I will move out from this area, but I really want the freedom to do so. If I do move though, it's the same deal. I will still have the PA retirement fund, but will need five years in the new place to be vested in that area. If I go there and in a month or two decide I don't like it there, that is no problem, but if it's a year or more until I realize that that isn't the place for me, I'm stuck again. This plus my bad social anxiety and introvertedness would make it hard for me to adapt to a brand new surrounding.
Totally different note, I'm trying to learn how to take compliments. Usually I just dismiss them, try to deny them, and compliment the other person in return to get the attention off of me. I realize this may be frustrating to some people. It's not that I don't believe the person who is giving the compliment's sincerity, I believe that they think those things are true. I think it's more that I don't think that way about myself, I don't see what they see.
Another different note, I've been single now for a full three and a half years, and I hate every second of it. Yes, it's been that long since the last time I've had sex too, but honestly that's not what I miss. I miss the companionship, just the feeling that there is someone there for you when you need them to talk to, to cuddle with, to sleep with (the actual act of sleeping) and yes, have sex with as well.
***POSSIBLE TMI ALERT***
I am a much bigger fan of foreplay myself, and would much rather give services than recieve them. In my whole (very short) sexual life I have only came from sex or an act of sex done to me (and not by me) once. I say this as no bullshit, it's fact. I take much more pleasure in doing and giving the pleasure and am very uncomfortable (socially and sexually) when the focus is on just me. I realize I have had very little "practice" in this area, but the few times it has happened I actually felt her cum. It was a fantastic feeling, and made me feel good too.
***END TMI RANT***
The problem with this is, once again, I have bad social anxiety and am extremely introverted. I can't go to bars alone and expect to do anything more than stand in a corner by myself like a creepy troll. When I go to a bar with friends my focus is on who I know and I usually can't get out more than a simple greeting and maybe a short conversation to anyone new. I've tried the internet, but haven't kept up with it as much as I should have for a reason that I'm too embarrassed to mention even after what I said above. Hopefully that will be fixed Tuesday. I desperately need a girlfriend and really have no idea what else to do. I have major self-confidence issues, and being 5'3" does not help one little bit.
***END EMO RANT***
So there you have it, that's where I am right now. I normally don't talk about myself much, but when I do, I tend to let it all out without stopping. So anyways, here is the song:
Soundgarden - Fresh Tendrils (I've been on a Soundgarden kick recently, if you can't tell)
Aside from the Lovecraft themed sleeve, this will be my next tattoo (small project):
The way I want it is the Red Star and the Discoverer in the circle like this design of the album art. Maybe a darker shade of red, and with black shading instead of purple. I'm thinking right thigh or calf. If anyone sees this please give me feedback as to colors, placement, anything! Any feedback whatsoever is 100% appreciated. After this maybe will be the black hole of Cygnus X-1 for the next small project. I've also been thinking of getting a piercing, but don't know what I should get. I was thinking either lip, eyebrow, or nipples. I'm not into gauging the earlobes and the only other spot in the ear where I'd get one (or many) wouldn't be good for work because I have to wear a hard hat. I have to think of work with piercings as a safety issue. Please, any suggestions or comments on the tattoos, colors, placement, anything.. is much appreciated. Even if it's to tell me you think it's a shitty idea (I'll probably still do it anyway, but your vote matters!)
If you made it this far, thank you. And hopefully I will see you before too long.
-Bob
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
jena:
Just to let you know....I've been tuning into shark week whenever I can remember. You're not missing a lot. It seems I'm always tuned into programs about attacks, which is very, very boring to me. I would prefer to have educational programs.
marvel:
I miss you I miss you I miss you! Hope you and your roomies get the internets soon 