I've been holding on to this hope that SG will buy my Alice set, holding on to the fact that some cosplay Friday sets have not actually been a cosplay at all *cough* marajade (don't get me wrong, it's a great set and she is gorgeous, but come on, not a cosplay, not even a little bit), thinking that if they bought that then maybe, just maybe, my set is enough cosplay to be considered for the title of cosplay Friday. I did specifially choose blue underwear, a white skirt, and a black ribbon headband in my hair, so that I could be like Alice, and I put so much effort into that set, hunting for tea sets and baking cupcakes (yeah, they're real and edible!), though when I shot it and when it came out cosplay Fridays were not a thing yet. I didn't even think it would qualify until I saw some sets come out and then I thought "no, you know what, my set IS a cosplay, it's just not an in your face one". And I bet you that if I was wearing a blond wig, it would 100% be taken as one. But, as you know, wigs are NOT ALLOWED in hopeful sets.
The set is absolutely stunning, I fucking love it. But I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's never going to get bought, I'm never going to get bought. I never really thought that I would, but cosplay Fridays gave me a tiny glimmer of hope.
So once again, SG land, land of unwavering love and support (at least from my fans), I am saying goodbye.
I cherish you all. I cannot thank you enough for every kind or complimentary thing you have said, commented, or even thought. You gave me life, you gave me confidence, you rose me up. But this is empty. I have been using you guys as a blog, as a safe place where I could always express what I'm thinking or feeling, even sometimes using you guys as a personal cheering squad and somewhere to go where I needed someone to tell me that I was pretty. But I am 26 years old. It has to stop somewhere. If I need to vent, I have plenty of empty diaries to fill (I used to write in diaries before I was on SG, so have bought many). And this constant need for gratification and admiration and applause, it has to stop somewhere. I have spent the last few years trying to love myself and I think I'm at the stage where I don't need you guys anymore, I think I can love myself enough.
That's hard for me to say, that I can love myself, that I am enough, but there it is. I am enough. My body is for me, not for you, and I say that it is enough. It has been very self empowering to be a part of this site, and I genuinely believe that you guys are the reason why I feel this way now. If you guys weren't there, telling me I was pretty when I felt like a troll, I'm sure I would not be here. I am also sure that I wouldn't be happy with myself now, that I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted anymore and I thank you, I thank you so much.
Seriously. Thank you.
