Well, as promised in the previous journal entry, I'm devoting the next entry or three to interviewing MFA (Creative Writing) dropout and avowed non-writer Erac Saz about the poem he contributed to my journal in said previous entry, which poem was titled "The Man from Nantucket". The following interview entries were cobbled from a series of e-mails that I've slightly edited so that they present the appearance of an interview and so that I could correct Erac's occasional lapses in speling and grammer as best as I was able. So, without further delay, let us begin:
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ERAC SAZ INTERVIEW: PART I
FatD: So, Erac, let me begin by thanking you for the poem. Uhm . . . let's begin with the question that's foremost in everyone's mind: Why "Erac" with an "a"? Couldn't your mother spell?
ES: Yes, that's very funny. Obviously it's a pseudonym which I am using to hide my true identity and name, which is actually Bruce Wayne, just like your real name is Fatdavid8, jackass. By the way, just how fat are you now, Fatboy?
FatD: Actually, not very at all. My morning weights have been in the 185-190 lb. range for a bit.
ES: Christ! You only weigh, like, fifteen or twenty pounds more than I do, and I actually work for a living. You're more like a Fatdavid-four-and-a-half now.
FatD: I hope to get down to 165-170. Then I'll shoot back up to 215. It's all part of my plan to stretch out my skin so that I look like a rhinoceros, which you'd know if you'd read my profile on the site.
ES: Yeah, I read it. Weighing 215 at your height is really bad. What I think you ought to do instead is keep your weight at 165 and just stretch your skin by alternately growing to like 7 foot and shrinking to four foot. Then you could give yourself rhinoceros skin without plumping up to an unhealthy weight.
FatD: Wow, that's a good plan! Your degrees are in the arts and humanities, right?
ES: Yeah, and I'm the assistant warehouse manager for a produce distributor. I work under a 400+ pound guy with an 8th-grade reading level who's name, I shit you not, is Cletus. As the fatboy is so fond of saying, stay in school, kids, and you too will have a fulfilling career in the field of your choice.
FatD: Any produce tips for my non-existent readers?
ES: Sure . . . when you see those little farmer's market-type stalls by the highway and they're selling tomatoes out of season, don't buy them if you're looking for farm-fresh or organically grown tomatoes because plenty of farmer's stall guys buy vegetables from us when they're out of season or when they run out of their own product. And I'll tell you, the tomatoes we get sometimes come in boxes of slimy, fungus-ridden nastiness like you wouldn't believe. From these boxes of slime, we pick out and buff up the tomatoes that haven't gone totally evil and sell them to the chain restaurants everyone eats at and, once or twice a month, to guys from the farmer's market and from the stands out on the highway. Most of the guys I work with won't eat tomatoes anymore. Some of them gag at the smell of fresh tomatoes.
FatD: Thank you so very much for that . . . Well, I've noticed that we haven't discussed your poem (see the journal entry from August 4, 2004) at all yet.
ES: Yeah, and it's really hurting my feelings.
FatD: Well, maybe next time.
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Well, that was the first installment of my interview (via e-mail) with Erac. I don't know that I'd say that it was particularly successful. Doing a good interview is harder than it would appear. Perhaps next time, if there is one, will be better.
_____________________________
ERAC SAZ INTERVIEW: PART I
FatD: So, Erac, let me begin by thanking you for the poem. Uhm . . . let's begin with the question that's foremost in everyone's mind: Why "Erac" with an "a"? Couldn't your mother spell?
ES: Yes, that's very funny. Obviously it's a pseudonym which I am using to hide my true identity and name, which is actually Bruce Wayne, just like your real name is Fatdavid8, jackass. By the way, just how fat are you now, Fatboy?
FatD: Actually, not very at all. My morning weights have been in the 185-190 lb. range for a bit.
ES: Christ! You only weigh, like, fifteen or twenty pounds more than I do, and I actually work for a living. You're more like a Fatdavid-four-and-a-half now.
FatD: I hope to get down to 165-170. Then I'll shoot back up to 215. It's all part of my plan to stretch out my skin so that I look like a rhinoceros, which you'd know if you'd read my profile on the site.
ES: Yeah, I read it. Weighing 215 at your height is really bad. What I think you ought to do instead is keep your weight at 165 and just stretch your skin by alternately growing to like 7 foot and shrinking to four foot. Then you could give yourself rhinoceros skin without plumping up to an unhealthy weight.
FatD: Wow, that's a good plan! Your degrees are in the arts and humanities, right?
ES: Yeah, and I'm the assistant warehouse manager for a produce distributor. I work under a 400+ pound guy with an 8th-grade reading level who's name, I shit you not, is Cletus. As the fatboy is so fond of saying, stay in school, kids, and you too will have a fulfilling career in the field of your choice.
FatD: Any produce tips for my non-existent readers?
ES: Sure . . . when you see those little farmer's market-type stalls by the highway and they're selling tomatoes out of season, don't buy them if you're looking for farm-fresh or organically grown tomatoes because plenty of farmer's stall guys buy vegetables from us when they're out of season or when they run out of their own product. And I'll tell you, the tomatoes we get sometimes come in boxes of slimy, fungus-ridden nastiness like you wouldn't believe. From these boxes of slime, we pick out and buff up the tomatoes that haven't gone totally evil and sell them to the chain restaurants everyone eats at and, once or twice a month, to guys from the farmer's market and from the stands out on the highway. Most of the guys I work with won't eat tomatoes anymore. Some of them gag at the smell of fresh tomatoes.
FatD: Thank you so very much for that . . . Well, I've noticed that we haven't discussed your poem (see the journal entry from August 4, 2004) at all yet.
ES: Yeah, and it's really hurting my feelings.
FatD: Well, maybe next time.
_______________________________
Well, that was the first installment of my interview (via e-mail) with Erac. I don't know that I'd say that it was particularly successful. Doing a good interview is harder than it would appear. Perhaps next time, if there is one, will be better.