I am still shaking from the violence this morning gave me. Possibly things like my body convulsing, pouring sweat and then hallucinating, heart fluttering, happen because I urge tragedy in all forms. I do not think so, though, because I fight these occurrences with all the power that is allowed, and in the midst of suffering I will pray to the God to stop these things as if it is doing it to me because it probably is even though I do not really do any bad things to anything so I am not understanding why such horror upon the non-doing, or even the doing? Why do you care? I am better now, really, and I was able to take my other medicine that is preventive medicine; it prevents me doing another thing by fulfilling the other thing's role, so it is not actually preventive but more so a supplanter/ replacement/ usurper of other thing's sedated throne.