this surgery has gone array...
in this moment i feel at peace, though nothing around me is quiet. the feelings of hate, peace, love and joy are running a marathon in my brain cavity. it is not just a race to a finish line but a race to run away from complacency. hate and peace are in the front, love is just behind them but joy seems to be slowing. the medics have arrived and the surgery has been started. an incision was made just above the eyes but low enough not to mess up my hair. another was made, this one was a little more tricky. the knife was placed upon my chest and slowly opened up to reveal the source of the problems. it is the heart and it must be removed. and so goes the operation, removing the organ that once pumped life into me. mending the open hole, the surgeon realized that the head injury could not be fixed, the memories must stay.
the recovery is and has been slow. a point was reached when an amazing tragedy tore my future apart. in losing a precious employment a huge stick feel from my eye releasing some of the pressure from the cavity just above my neck. all of the sudden i saw a new light of peace and hope. it is as if hate was just cut down from his lead in the race. all i could imagine is how happy i wanted my former love to be with her new direction. but just as soon as peace took the lead, hate came right back out of nowhere. i remembered why the stick feel from my eye, i was betrayed! it was a fair betrayal though, i was stabbed almost in front and not my back. you know, that place about half-way up your side about four inches below the place God gave to men for humor, or maybe just so we would look like women a little bit more.
days passed and the bandages have been removed. i thought it would be ok to begin to walk again but alas i am still to week. seeing her face put a new feeling inside my wounds. they felt as if they were being ripped open but the pain was soothing. my hope for her still remains. i wish i knew how to make her wounds heal. she must be in some pain, i think. maybe it is not her wounds i should tend to but the other part of her that we both betrayed? all in all my searching for the healing i need has been taking me in circles but there is one thing constant about the paths. it is that light, the same light that used to guide my life. i am not ready to rebuild the looking in your face. it hurts to think about how i might have lost my way or have i. this medicine for my wounds are playing tricks on me, i don't know what to do. should i give the light another try?
in this moment i feel at peace, though nothing around me is quiet. the feelings of hate, peace, love and joy are running a marathon in my brain cavity. it is not just a race to a finish line but a race to run away from complacency. hate and peace are in the front, love is just behind them but joy seems to be slowing. the medics have arrived and the surgery has been started. an incision was made just above the eyes but low enough not to mess up my hair. another was made, this one was a little more tricky. the knife was placed upon my chest and slowly opened up to reveal the source of the problems. it is the heart and it must be removed. and so goes the operation, removing the organ that once pumped life into me. mending the open hole, the surgeon realized that the head injury could not be fixed, the memories must stay.
the recovery is and has been slow. a point was reached when an amazing tragedy tore my future apart. in losing a precious employment a huge stick feel from my eye releasing some of the pressure from the cavity just above my neck. all of the sudden i saw a new light of peace and hope. it is as if hate was just cut down from his lead in the race. all i could imagine is how happy i wanted my former love to be with her new direction. but just as soon as peace took the lead, hate came right back out of nowhere. i remembered why the stick feel from my eye, i was betrayed! it was a fair betrayal though, i was stabbed almost in front and not my back. you know, that place about half-way up your side about four inches below the place God gave to men for humor, or maybe just so we would look like women a little bit more.
days passed and the bandages have been removed. i thought it would be ok to begin to walk again but alas i am still to week. seeing her face put a new feeling inside my wounds. they felt as if they were being ripped open but the pain was soothing. my hope for her still remains. i wish i knew how to make her wounds heal. she must be in some pain, i think. maybe it is not her wounds i should tend to but the other part of her that we both betrayed? all in all my searching for the healing i need has been taking me in circles but there is one thing constant about the paths. it is that light, the same light that used to guide my life. i am not ready to rebuild the looking in your face. it hurts to think about how i might have lost my way or have i. this medicine for my wounds are playing tricks on me, i don't know what to do. should i give the light another try?
Loves a bitch, I know that for damn sure. Take the good with the bad. Never good to look on only the shit of what was.
Doing good, just feeling shite over being single. Been almost a year for me and its getting to me now. I want to actually settle down and that is something I do not want, but crave.