fallingvictim

i search for you through the night, my search is hopeless. i take a rest in a dark, smelly hole. i pass time by search for lines on the wall that remind me of your face. i lay here hating this pain in my chest, i want to end it. but beauty in life is so overwhelming that i will not let opinions and views sway me from my course of action. i come back to life, realzing a line had formed behind me of men waiting for my spot. i stumble out wondering what these voices in my head are telling me to do. with the memory of what people have shown and told me, i remember what the end will be like. what will happen to me in the end, am i really dead?

bake and forth, i come and go. what is real, what is tangible. i sometimes wish i was so quite that i could just forget the sound of your voice, the sound of my voice calling out for you. but this inner voice can not be muzzled! it calls and it calls like a new born baby wanting milk from his mother. i find a corner that reminds me of the times i would find peace in your arms. i see a image, a chair in a dark room, alone! tears, sweat and dirt hide my true face from this world. all i can hold onto is the remaining image i have off you. it is a broken image, a image of distorted truth's but it is an image!

i pick myself up and wonder into an alley where i find a homeless man that should have been a homemore man. he had everthing from peace, hope and a cardboardbox. he tells me that he can show me the way, he can help me. i leaned in, gave a wink and told the man to let loose his pleasure. he took hold of my jacket, pulled me closer. and with a voice that sounded bigger than God he said," beauty is real, find it in yourself, be free"...

he released me like a caged bird and i fell to my back. i saw a white light, a tube push through my chest and shot forward towards the sky. the clouds parted and turned from a bitter dark to a sweet, smooth white that would be inviting to any person. i then took a second look at my chest, it was covered with hope. the color of the hope was red but is was hope, i could just tell. i looked up and the man who had just set me free through his torn jacket to the side, looked up and took flight towards the light in the sky.

then like a rush of wind my life began to flip through pages of memories like a photo albulm. i saw my brother, how could this be? my dreams have come back to haunt me. but the dead are blind and can not see the living so he walked past me and took flight into the light in the sky. what was this light, am i to go there to? no, i have been set free, i am not ready to go. i pick my self up and run trough the dark alley. nothing could stop me, i wanted to be home, safe.

i ran and i ran for hours upon hours, i ran until i could not run an more. i had reached the end, the end of the world. a cliff that had no bottom, an abyss. i found home, i jumped and fell. i found peace, hope and freedom. as i fell the layers of black that covered my eyes began to fall away. new colors started to show through, blue, yellow, red, amazing colors i had never seen before. i knew at that moment i was about to arrive to a new wonderful world, a world of freedom.

when all the black was stripped away i had arrived. the freedom i felt was wonderful. the one thing i did not ecpect was the hate that people felt towards me. they wanted to be free, they could not find the way out! they all were still just living in a dream world of religion, pain, love and self-lothing. but time has past and i have leanred to drowned these people with music of freedom. you are all dead to me, but the one faded picture of you in my head will always remain.