fallenshadows

After finishing my last post I ended up at work once again. My first job was ok to walk into. I found myself busy and dead all through the night. I wound up at some point in time hating someone I used to adore there. He was the one who trained me, granted I do not do anything the way he once did. Now he cooks and has completely changed. I think something inside either me or him has completely changed alltogether. That night I realized how much I hate the things he does. I hate the way he is willing to tell me what to do, yet whenever something is asked of him he laughs and doesn't do it. I hate the way he critizies me, then turns around and does it himself. I hate the way he tells me I don't do anything moments after I busted my ass. I hate the way he lies to me. If all is true I must hate him. So began my lust for hate part 2. I've begun this completely absurd view on life. I just completely do not want to hear anything from anyone. I have been told before that is part of growing up...Dealing with people that are assholes and becoming one back and that is the only way. I don't believe that, it should not have to be this way. I have learned to silence all obsticals, but I don't know that me shutting down and completely dissreguarding the exsistance of others is really the way to diverge from that plan. What else can I do?
I finished my work there early because I was just disgusted with people and wanted to go home. Ended up going to my favorite gas station to hang out for a minute. Jill gave me a call and met me up there. I finally got to meet her. She is fantastic, I hope we are able to become good friends. Her and I had a good time of chatting. Anways then I had to go to work and so I lead her out and went to work. I get there the normal jazz for the most part. Today was actually a lighter load by a significant margin so it was actually a good day. I still hated my hate part 1 and I think I will continue. I seem less happy, but at the same time it doesn't make my stomache turn fighting and being an asshole back and forth. I am really not sure what to do anymore.
I got home and ate some food and ended up crashing. I meant to wake up and hang out with my father for his birthday, but ended up sleeping till 9:00p.m. (seems like wow thats alot of sleep, but really it was like 10 hours) I normally only get about 6 hours of sleep. Apparently I really needed it. It is ok I made dinner for his birthday sunday even though his birthday was today.