fallen1carus

i need projects. drawing and painting projects. canvas. if anybody has a spare sitting around that they feel like parting with...

*shrug* you never know.

why do i keep having these terrible dreams?

last night i was crying for days and shouting and shouting and hurting. it's amazing the duration of real pain you can experience in 20 minutes of dreaming. it can make you...
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i've been struck lately again and again at the consistent insincerity of our daily interactions.

i scan rooms, looking at people. at how they're dressed, the way they look at each other. what are their problems like? what things do they reveal to their friends? what do they really want to do that for one reason or another they are holding back on?

or are...
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fuck. i think the winter is really getting to me.

little shit is setting me off and i just wanna curl up in bed with my cat and cry.

today i...

slept until noon
had sex upon waking up
smoked a joint in the park with the boy
took a motorcycle ride to vita cafe
where we had cupcakes before breakfast.
we took a bike ride to hawthorne before work
and i got lots of smooches from the boy who makes me crazier than anything.

aw fuck yeah.

madness! look at all of these bruises and scratches and empty bottles.

i remember looking at the mess once and thinking that it reveals a lot... condom wrappers, band aids, vicodin, rope, half used lube, cookie wrappers, beer bottles, vodka bottles, medical bills upon bills upon bills, crumpled plastic baggies, latex gloves... my mom definitely can't see this. she'll be here in a few weeks....
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it was a good night i think.

free beer. free mushrooms from the crazy harmonica man.

rambling and awesome music from the danish street girl.

whippin' shitties in the rain.

unexpected partying, learning about the chop in someone else's bedroom, and future events with christmas themed abortions. hell yeah.

just cause you're naked on the internet doesn't mean you're hot. eek.

that hopefuls group is just painful sometimes.

i am like crazy mad in love and that's pretty much all that's important. i don't feel like i need to bother with more of a journal entry.

this is the first thanksgiving i will have ever spent away from my family.

spending it with friends might be better.

i had a dream this morning that my dad took me to this abandoned house where he stashed some kegs and there were a bunch of crazy bikes there... one had fists on the front wheels. it was fucking sweet.

it's the power lines that fuck me up the most, in the dreams where i'm flying.

i always clear the regular ones just fine, but when i get up higher in the sky they're closer together, forming this barrier. i don't get shocked, but i get tangled up, and it keeps me from going as high as i want to, escaping.

i had terrible dreams...
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let's add this up.

i rent you ten big bust loops and nudie cuties. at the dollar price because you get the senior citizen's discount. you get them for three days. on the second day you bring them back and rent ten more big bust loops and nudie cuties. on the fourth day ten more.

i'm all for the occasional whackfest, but this is getting...
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