fairyjochen

QUITE all the music I listen to is female driven, and has been for a few years. I haven't found *any* male driven music that can draw me in and move me like BikiniKill or Ani Difranco or Bratmobile can (not to say there isn't good stuff out there). The creativity is astounding, the honestly and up-frontness is almost embarrasing to me, but not quite, not enough that I can't help but listen.
I've been the victim and the assailant, and seeing it all from the other side adds a certain clarity that I hope can make be a better person, or at least give me to vision to see my own hypocricies (sp?) and contradictions. I mean, when I hear that jerk in the beginning of "white boy" and I realize that at one time those words might have been mine... I can barely deal. When I hear Ani sing, "...they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear, they asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different is wrong" (and I think about the time I dissed my friend Leslie in front of my HS art class table because she was a pear (completely oblivious at that moment to the fact that I was a pear) or "I can make life, I can make breath" I mean that commands respect, awe, admiration, love, I could die. Oh, ok, I like Morrisey and the Smiths. "and if a ten-ton truck killed the both of us, to die by your side is such a wonderful way to die". I mean, it's a wonderfully romantic notion, isn't it?

My fave lyrics:

"i'm so sorry that I'm alienating some of you, your.. culture alienates me" - bikinikill

"I know the biggest crime is to throw up your hands, say that's got nothing to do with me, I just want to live as comfortably as I can" - Ani Difranco

"you don't need it like I need it like I think i need it" - bratmobile

So why am I blathering on? I dunno, I guess I' m hoping for some feedback it's hard to find people I can relate to these days. Everyone's getting married or hooking up with that perfect job and buying power-suits or blowing their heads off (are ghosts on the net? Hi Walter, I found that video tape of us jamming in my room way back when and I miss you.) or wandering around aimlessly with no concept of reality (ok I can ID with that for the most part) . Me? I don't know what I want, and I don't know if I want to rilly. What would happen if I got what I wanted? (I'm talking about the more tangible sort of things that people want, not what I talk about on my "me" page, which I realize isn't a want at all but a need) It would prolly be disappointing, like the toy that breaks too soon after you got it when you were little, dousing your faith in others with the tepid water of reality. But then you see that that sort of thing happens when people become too far removed from each other. There is not much warmth or care lavished on a Acme corps Pretty Soldier Hello Puppy doll. There is a distance that comes advertising and mass marketing, where people don't make things for other people, but for some idealized being born out of some twisted demographics.

That's why I like the early '90s Kill Rock Stars records stuff. They try to do a grassroots sort of thing. Of course I'm a big hyprocrite and I end up buying stuff at Tower because of the need for instant gratification... Ug. I'm always worried that my words will ring hollow in the air of my hypocracy, but please believe me, at this time in my life this music is one of the most important things in the world.