fairydust

i went on a date. i dont know if i even liked the guy. i dont ever know if i like someone. i dont know if he liked me. i dont know why he would or wouldnt. dating is weird and i hate it. everything was wrong with the situation, from the location to him knowing the people at the bar to his words.

the start to a new year leaves me hopeless and uncomfortable. its never a start to anything good. i had a good year. i traveled, i made new friends. i have a real job which is a beginning to a "career" path. i just feel like things should be changing more quickly. like my students loans should already be paid off, even though i just graduated 6 month ago and that i should already be art director somewhere fabulous even though i only entered the field. i know patience is virtue and i need remember that but i feel like ive been stuck in the same state of mind for so long that i am ready to break open.

i still feel like i am too needy of people, which is one of the reason i still think that its not a good idea for me to date someone. i love my friends and i cant be without them so i think having a boyfriend will push me over the edge. or maybe not... i have gotten past the boy crazy stage. or not. i think i rather not find out. i do wonder if he will call again, just to know how it went. he doesnt care that i am a designer, hes is not the creative type. i know it will never work. but i want him to call just for the satisfaction of him wanting to see me again.