Okay kiddies, here's a little semi-autobiographical memoir I wrote. If you make it through it, feel free to leave your comments....
"Sarah Whom I LIKE Like"
Her name was Sarah, or was it Sandra. Wait, Samantha? No, it was Sarah. I dont know and it doesnt really matter. The story pretty much plays itself out the same, but Ill never forget her. She was, in my opinion, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. You have to understand that for a sixth grader from Greenwood Delaware, I wasnt privileged to the benefits of cable television, so the candidates were scarce. We lived way out in the middle of a soy bean field and no matter how many times we attempted to order service, our only answer was We dont come out that far. God just wouldnt give me ShowTime, but he gave me Sarah. Deep down inside I knew that was enough.
I once heard somewhere that when a man kneels down on one knee in front of the woman he loves and pulls from his pocket his lifes savings, she cant say, no. Ive even heard that sometimes she becomes so overwhelmed with happiness at the price he was willing to pay that shed burst into uncontrollable tears of joy.
Sometimes so thrilled, even to the point of laughter that shed merrily rush to a phone to call her mother. Im not sure if this is the same thing, but I do know women appreciate a man with a good sense of humor.
When she wasnt wearing it, my grandmother kept her engagement ring on top of her bureau. It really didnt seem as glamorous as the rings that I had been eyeing at the J.C. Penny for the last two months. I guess in the old days love didnt go for as much, but seeing as Sarah was young and impressionable, my grandmothers ring just might swing her. I know youre supposed to wait until the time is right. The time was definitely right. There were only three days left in the school year and if I didnt act now she was sure to head down to Myrtle Beach with her parents for the summer. Wednesday, Ill ask her on Wednesday. Besides Billy Parker promised me an outrageous bachelor party. He said he was going to bring some of his lady friends from his 4H Club. Maybe we can have the bachelor party on Tuesday night if his mom will let us use the basement. Boy this was really getting exciting.
Now all my life I had always said, when I get married, I only want to do it once, so I had to decide on the perfect setting for when I popped the question. I quickly ran through my list of all the obvious places, but was even quicker to eliminate them. The gymnasium? No. I dont want her to get the impression that Im some big, dumb jock. The only sport Ive ever been good at was kickball and thats only because I could kick the ball really far on account that I was so husky and all. The gym was definitely out of the question. The bus? Probably not, because then Id be faced with a whole new dilemma. Do I tell her on the way to school or on the way home from school? I wanted to try to keep it simple. Maybe I should ask her at the supply store. No, because it may then be implied that since Im her new fiance and all that I should be the one to buy her that new She-ra Trapper Keeper shes had her eye on. To be honest, I really didnt have the money for that. Mom and Dad did say I could mow the lawn this summer for five bucks a week. Come next fall Ill buy her all the three ring binders her little heart desires. For right now I needed to find the perfect place and all this decision making was making me a little nauseous. Thats when it dawned on me. The cafeteria! What better place to declare our love than in the presence of all our friends? They would all be relaxed and enjoying their fiesta pizzas. Im sure after a weeks worth of "Just Say No" assemblies a little real life Romeo & Juliet would be a refreshing change of pace. The cafeteria would be perfect. Perhaps later in the day when recess rolled around, Sarah and I could celebrate our engagement with a nice romantic round of tetherball while we mapped out the plans for our future together. We would surely remember this day for the rest of our lives.
Unfortunately, the bachelor party never happened because Billy decided that watching The A-Team was more important. I must admit, it was a good episode. I always get a kick out of when they knock B.A. out and trick him into flying on a plane, but like I already mentioned Im only going to get married once. Youd think a TV show wouldnt be so important when you know an old T-ball friend is getting married.
When Wednesday morning rolled around I was up by seven a.m. Before I could even enjoy my third bowl of Fruity Pebbles Dad was in the kitchen asking if I had seen Grandmas ring. He also questioned my wardrobe. Today called for my best, my Sunday best. I considered it my Sunday best not because we went to church on Sunday, because we never did anymore. But I reckon that if one day we got right with the Lord and actually went back again, this is what Id wear. I was wearing my red wool tie. This was hands down the luckiest tie I owned. I remember that I was wearing it when we went to Pop-Pop Taylors funeral. Uncle Doyle was really excited when he learned that he hadnt been completely cut out of the will. We had this huge party with what seemed like gallons of root beer and cheese that you spray out of a can. As far as I was concerned, if it could get me root beer and a nice aerosol cheddar, it could get me Sarah.
Now Id be lying if I said I wasnt a little nervous. Who wouldnt be? If I messed up this suit itd be my funeral I was wearing it to next. I saw Sarah before geography, which I considered a sign because we both love geography. Shed be sitting in class, learning about Antarctica; completely unaware that her life was about to make an amazing turn. I hope they let her use the phone in the principals office to call her mom with the exciting news.
The end of class came slower than Mondays mail after a holiday weekend, but finally, like the mail, it made it. All of a sudden my heart began to pound. My palms were clammy. What was this? I was fine a moment ago. Now Im feverish and sweating more than the fat kid in the Christmas pageant. Lunch is in ten minutes. I cant face her like this. She wont even be able to bare the sight of me. Just as the bell rang and we were leaving class, Miss Jarman called out to me.
By the way, you look nice today Raymond, she said.
She actually wasnt bad for a substitute teacher and who knows, if it wasnt for my feelings for Sarah, we mightve had a chance. I took her word for it and thanked her. I was as ready as I'd ever be.
I burst through the cafeteria doors and scanned the hordes of fellow sixth graders for the princess soon to be my queen. Where was she? Where was she? There she was, over to my left talking to Betsy Braces. I dont know why that girls parents even bother. A mouth full of straight teeth isnt going to disguise the smell of pee-pee. I had just joined the end of their line when suddenly my feverishness returned for its final affliction. I certainly didnt want to spend our honeymoon in bed. Sarah was just about to pay. Should I wait for her to finish eating? Yes. Yes. Shes got to eat.
Finally I too made it through the line and found myself a seat. I was so preoccupied that I didnt even realize that I had picked up the meatball sub. Of all the cafeterias, in all the public schools, in all of Sussex County, this one was serving my favorite. If that aint another sign, I dont know what is. Confident my lucky tie was living up to its full potential; I got up and marched over to Sarahs table.
Sarah was giggling when I arrived and she didnt even notice me for the first ten minutes that I stood there.
Girls, I politely nodded, acknowledging her company. They seemed to just stare at me blankly with mouths full of tater tots and the occasional bite of French bread pizza.
Sarah, I said taking a knee, Theres something I need to ask you.
Yes? she angelically replied.
I could feel my face getting redder and redder by the second. Sarah looked over at Betsy and the rest of the girls. She was probably surprised to be the first of her friends to be asked. I gently took the ring from out of my pocket and unwrapped it from the paper towel that kept it safe and concealed.
Will you marry me? I asked.
For a moment she seemed to just sit there with absolutely no expression whatsoever. It seemed the entire lunchroom had silenced itself and turned with breathless anticipation to hear her response. And then she began to laugh. Then louder. Then louder still. Oh the sweet sound of her enchanting laughter. I mustve really taken her by surprise. I didnt know exactly what to say next so I just let her go on. As a matter of fact, I dont think Sarah ever stopped laughing that day.
As I look back now I can only assume Sarah mustve thought she was worth more than that. She just wasnt willing to commit to what little I had to offer her. And that was probably a good thing since Grandma was getting pretty upset in her little quest to find her ring.
"Sarah Whom I LIKE Like"
Her name was Sarah, or was it Sandra. Wait, Samantha? No, it was Sarah. I dont know and it doesnt really matter. The story pretty much plays itself out the same, but Ill never forget her. She was, in my opinion, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. You have to understand that for a sixth grader from Greenwood Delaware, I wasnt privileged to the benefits of cable television, so the candidates were scarce. We lived way out in the middle of a soy bean field and no matter how many times we attempted to order service, our only answer was We dont come out that far. God just wouldnt give me ShowTime, but he gave me Sarah. Deep down inside I knew that was enough.
I once heard somewhere that when a man kneels down on one knee in front of the woman he loves and pulls from his pocket his lifes savings, she cant say, no. Ive even heard that sometimes she becomes so overwhelmed with happiness at the price he was willing to pay that shed burst into uncontrollable tears of joy.
Sometimes so thrilled, even to the point of laughter that shed merrily rush to a phone to call her mother. Im not sure if this is the same thing, but I do know women appreciate a man with a good sense of humor.
When she wasnt wearing it, my grandmother kept her engagement ring on top of her bureau. It really didnt seem as glamorous as the rings that I had been eyeing at the J.C. Penny for the last two months. I guess in the old days love didnt go for as much, but seeing as Sarah was young and impressionable, my grandmothers ring just might swing her. I know youre supposed to wait until the time is right. The time was definitely right. There were only three days left in the school year and if I didnt act now she was sure to head down to Myrtle Beach with her parents for the summer. Wednesday, Ill ask her on Wednesday. Besides Billy Parker promised me an outrageous bachelor party. He said he was going to bring some of his lady friends from his 4H Club. Maybe we can have the bachelor party on Tuesday night if his mom will let us use the basement. Boy this was really getting exciting.
Now all my life I had always said, when I get married, I only want to do it once, so I had to decide on the perfect setting for when I popped the question. I quickly ran through my list of all the obvious places, but was even quicker to eliminate them. The gymnasium? No. I dont want her to get the impression that Im some big, dumb jock. The only sport Ive ever been good at was kickball and thats only because I could kick the ball really far on account that I was so husky and all. The gym was definitely out of the question. The bus? Probably not, because then Id be faced with a whole new dilemma. Do I tell her on the way to school or on the way home from school? I wanted to try to keep it simple. Maybe I should ask her at the supply store. No, because it may then be implied that since Im her new fiance and all that I should be the one to buy her that new She-ra Trapper Keeper shes had her eye on. To be honest, I really didnt have the money for that. Mom and Dad did say I could mow the lawn this summer for five bucks a week. Come next fall Ill buy her all the three ring binders her little heart desires. For right now I needed to find the perfect place and all this decision making was making me a little nauseous. Thats when it dawned on me. The cafeteria! What better place to declare our love than in the presence of all our friends? They would all be relaxed and enjoying their fiesta pizzas. Im sure after a weeks worth of "Just Say No" assemblies a little real life Romeo & Juliet would be a refreshing change of pace. The cafeteria would be perfect. Perhaps later in the day when recess rolled around, Sarah and I could celebrate our engagement with a nice romantic round of tetherball while we mapped out the plans for our future together. We would surely remember this day for the rest of our lives.
Unfortunately, the bachelor party never happened because Billy decided that watching The A-Team was more important. I must admit, it was a good episode. I always get a kick out of when they knock B.A. out and trick him into flying on a plane, but like I already mentioned Im only going to get married once. Youd think a TV show wouldnt be so important when you know an old T-ball friend is getting married.
When Wednesday morning rolled around I was up by seven a.m. Before I could even enjoy my third bowl of Fruity Pebbles Dad was in the kitchen asking if I had seen Grandmas ring. He also questioned my wardrobe. Today called for my best, my Sunday best. I considered it my Sunday best not because we went to church on Sunday, because we never did anymore. But I reckon that if one day we got right with the Lord and actually went back again, this is what Id wear. I was wearing my red wool tie. This was hands down the luckiest tie I owned. I remember that I was wearing it when we went to Pop-Pop Taylors funeral. Uncle Doyle was really excited when he learned that he hadnt been completely cut out of the will. We had this huge party with what seemed like gallons of root beer and cheese that you spray out of a can. As far as I was concerned, if it could get me root beer and a nice aerosol cheddar, it could get me Sarah.
Now Id be lying if I said I wasnt a little nervous. Who wouldnt be? If I messed up this suit itd be my funeral I was wearing it to next. I saw Sarah before geography, which I considered a sign because we both love geography. Shed be sitting in class, learning about Antarctica; completely unaware that her life was about to make an amazing turn. I hope they let her use the phone in the principals office to call her mom with the exciting news.
The end of class came slower than Mondays mail after a holiday weekend, but finally, like the mail, it made it. All of a sudden my heart began to pound. My palms were clammy. What was this? I was fine a moment ago. Now Im feverish and sweating more than the fat kid in the Christmas pageant. Lunch is in ten minutes. I cant face her like this. She wont even be able to bare the sight of me. Just as the bell rang and we were leaving class, Miss Jarman called out to me.
By the way, you look nice today Raymond, she said.
She actually wasnt bad for a substitute teacher and who knows, if it wasnt for my feelings for Sarah, we mightve had a chance. I took her word for it and thanked her. I was as ready as I'd ever be.
I burst through the cafeteria doors and scanned the hordes of fellow sixth graders for the princess soon to be my queen. Where was she? Where was she? There she was, over to my left talking to Betsy Braces. I dont know why that girls parents even bother. A mouth full of straight teeth isnt going to disguise the smell of pee-pee. I had just joined the end of their line when suddenly my feverishness returned for its final affliction. I certainly didnt want to spend our honeymoon in bed. Sarah was just about to pay. Should I wait for her to finish eating? Yes. Yes. Shes got to eat.
Finally I too made it through the line and found myself a seat. I was so preoccupied that I didnt even realize that I had picked up the meatball sub. Of all the cafeterias, in all the public schools, in all of Sussex County, this one was serving my favorite. If that aint another sign, I dont know what is. Confident my lucky tie was living up to its full potential; I got up and marched over to Sarahs table.
Sarah was giggling when I arrived and she didnt even notice me for the first ten minutes that I stood there.
Girls, I politely nodded, acknowledging her company. They seemed to just stare at me blankly with mouths full of tater tots and the occasional bite of French bread pizza.
Sarah, I said taking a knee, Theres something I need to ask you.
Yes? she angelically replied.
I could feel my face getting redder and redder by the second. Sarah looked over at Betsy and the rest of the girls. She was probably surprised to be the first of her friends to be asked. I gently took the ring from out of my pocket and unwrapped it from the paper towel that kept it safe and concealed.
Will you marry me? I asked.
For a moment she seemed to just sit there with absolutely no expression whatsoever. It seemed the entire lunchroom had silenced itself and turned with breathless anticipation to hear her response. And then she began to laugh. Then louder. Then louder still. Oh the sweet sound of her enchanting laughter. I mustve really taken her by surprise. I didnt know exactly what to say next so I just let her go on. As a matter of fact, I dont think Sarah ever stopped laughing that day.
As I look back now I can only assume Sarah mustve thought she was worth more than that. She just wasnt willing to commit to what little I had to offer her. And that was probably a good thing since Grandma was getting pretty upset in her little quest to find her ring.
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xoxo
Alley