I'm having an ugly day. One of those days when you look in the mirror and see every flaw.
Somewhat contemplative as well. "If you follow every dream you might get lost." I'm 23 years old. I had the chance to go to an Ivy League school, was invited to tour Barnard's campus when I was in high school, could have done anything I wanted. So I didn't take those opportunities, big deal. I am who I am now for what I was then. And who's to say if I would have actually gotten in to Brown or Barnard or Oxford?
But I have a chip on my shoulder I think. I went to campus today to turn in the latest edit of my research paper (earlier edit below), and just suddenly felt just totally awful about everything. I don't know why.
Maybe it's because I'm going to be spending my summer waiting tables all day and working in a video store at night. Maybe it's because I have no idea how much longer I'm going to be able to stay in school, or how much longer I need to stay in school to get where I'm going. Maybe it's because I'm anxious to find out if my set will get accepted and I'll go pink. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep.
I want to travel this summer. It's not going to happen, though. Somewhere I became an adult. I've got too many bills and not enough money to pay them, let alone live the life I want. I remember when I could just throw my toothbrush and a few changes of clothes in a bag, get into my beat-up old car and just drive. Get lost somewhere. Sleep on couches. Stay up all night and watch the sunset. What the hell happened?
In other news, Gopal can't move and won't stop crying. I'm scared that she's really hurt. :-( Poor booboo.
Somewhat contemplative as well. "If you follow every dream you might get lost." I'm 23 years old. I had the chance to go to an Ivy League school, was invited to tour Barnard's campus when I was in high school, could have done anything I wanted. So I didn't take those opportunities, big deal. I am who I am now for what I was then. And who's to say if I would have actually gotten in to Brown or Barnard or Oxford?
But I have a chip on my shoulder I think. I went to campus today to turn in the latest edit of my research paper (earlier edit below), and just suddenly felt just totally awful about everything. I don't know why.
Maybe it's because I'm going to be spending my summer waiting tables all day and working in a video store at night. Maybe it's because I have no idea how much longer I'm going to be able to stay in school, or how much longer I need to stay in school to get where I'm going. Maybe it's because I'm anxious to find out if my set will get accepted and I'll go pink. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep.
I want to travel this summer. It's not going to happen, though. Somewhere I became an adult. I've got too many bills and not enough money to pay them, let alone live the life I want. I remember when I could just throw my toothbrush and a few changes of clothes in a bag, get into my beat-up old car and just drive. Get lost somewhere. Sleep on couches. Stay up all night and watch the sunset. What the hell happened?
In other news, Gopal can't move and won't stop crying. I'm scared that she's really hurt. :-( Poor booboo.