face4radio

Flight out of Baltimore leaves at 6am. We left plenty early but half way there I realized I forgot m glasses. Turn around which now makes us running behind. I drop my mom off to check the bags and I take the car to the satelite parking. Get back over to the airport and the security line is HUGE. I wait in it but it moved at a reasonable pace. Got to the front and realized my mother had taken my boarding pass and I had hers. Of course, crack security let her through but stopped me. I had to get out of line go to the kiosk, get another boarding pass, get back in line, wait, then go through the metal detectors. With out fail, I picked the line with every mother fucker who has never flown before and cannot figure out that their belt buckle sets off the machine. I have my laptop out, belt and shoes in hand doing the pee-pee dance because they won't hurry the fuck up. finally break through and run to the gate still holding my shoes and belt. Where's my gate? ALLLLL the way at the end. I got there with enough time to put my belt and shoes back on before we board. Take off for a 25 minute flight/layover in Philly. Get on that plane, taxi out and sit on the runway for an hour. Half way through the captian comes on and say, "Folks, we are currently 19th in line" WTF!? Meanwhile, there was a large group of people wearing buttons talking about Herbal Life, some BS drink that helps you lose weight. Oh, it works because those mother fuckers were in the bathroom the ENTIRE flight. The same 10 people just over and over again. While on the runway, bathroom. During takeoff, bathroom. Just non-stop. 3 hours in on a 6 hour flight the captain comes on, "Folks, we are going to have to make an unscheduled stop. The bathrooms have backed up and there is no way we are going to make it to LA. We are stopping in Denver." Fuck Shit!!! The toilets have backed up to the point where if another person went to the bathroom, it was over flowing. Stop in Denver. The entire time on the ground, the "Herbal Lifers" were gathered around the bathroom like it was Black Friday 5 minutes before the doors to Walmart open. As soon as the captain clears us for takeoff, they go back to the bathrooms. They actually had to tell them to take their seats so we could take off, then they could go. Take off, Land in LA... 2.5 hours late. As we get off the plane I overhear a maintenance guy ask the the pilot, "If they completely unloaded the (septic)tank, then how come it was full again. Those Mother Fuckers filled the toilets not once but twice in one 6-hour flight. Now we have 1 hour to make it across LA. Get the car, mom gets the luggage, we dash, traffic, jump in HOV lane, it ends, traffic. We made it to the theatre literally 5 minutes before it started. We had to change in the parking garage.

Moral of the story: If Herbal Life people get on your plane, tell the pilot they are enviromental terrorists or something. Just get them off the Mutha Fuckin plane!!!