Yeah I figured I should actually make a new entry in here since I do not really make entries in here anymore . . . this is actually going to be a couple entries from one of my other profiles so yeah it will be pretty long and I thank ahead of time anyone who actually reads all of it.
January 10th, 2007
Ok, since a lot of people are asking me what is wrong, I will try and give you at least an idea of what has been going through my head *takes a deep breath* ok.
First and foremost as you all know yes I have been single for over 2 years now so yeah that is something that really makes me feel like something is wrong with me but not as much as when all of you say how great of a guy I am and everything but then every girl I know goes off and dates guys that hurt them and treats them like shit, if I am such a great guy then why would people rather have their heart stepped on then be with me?
Now *sighs* the family aspect. Lets see, oh yeah to start off with most of you know I am straight edge, well my family is anything but that. My mom who drinks herself stupid (not as much anymore but still does on occasions) was to the point that she was getting drunk everyday and taking sleeping pills at the same time to the point that my dad and myself had to take them away from her. Which was too late for the damage it had done to her body since she soon after had to have her gall bladder removed because it was three times too big. Oh, a funny story about my parents, on my 21st birthday, you know what I was doing? Being the designated driver for my parents. Onto my brother. My 31 year old brother just recently moved back in with me and my parents because he has been having money problems and has been doing hard drugs (and on a side note, the last time my brother and I hung out was New Years Day 2006 when him and all his friends with him were drunk as hell and I ended up getting in a fight with him and kneeing him in the face). Yeah well my brother being the way he is does not help me at all because my dad now has it set in his mind that I will end up like him because of the fact that I have taken a year off from school to try and figure out what I want to do with my life so along with everything else going in my mind, I have him on my back asking me at least once or twice a week if I have figured out what I want to do with my life yet. Also, I have lost some of the respect I did have for my other brother after finding out that he smokes weed on a normal basis, I mean he has a wife and my twin nephews, sorry but that is just not something you should do once other people are relying on all the time.
Ok, finally on to friends. Probably some of the stuff that has hurt me the most has been caused by the ones that are supposed to be there the most for you. Well, to make you fully understand, I will have to tell you the story:
Over a year ago, my friend Ryan came to me telling me that he was worried about his little sister and so was his family. They were worried that she was cutting herself and he knew that I use to be the same way (for anyone who really knows me, knows I still pretty much am that way) so he thought I could better relate to her and I could help her. So I started talking to her and well to be honest both her and I became extremely interested in each other, I mean it was probably only the second time I had ever been so close with someone in my life. *sighs* Ryan found out that her and I were becoming so close and he called me a pedophile (she was 15, I was 20), and by him and her parents I was no longer allowed to see her, talk to her, or even IM her. Ryan at the time was in the band that I post up everywhere, Tear At The Walls, and him and the entire band wanted nothing to do with me. I had told Ryan and everyone including her parents that I would wait until she was older to act upon these feelings but that in order for that to happen her and I would at least need to be able to talk to each other but her parents did not see it that way saying that someone that young even having friends my age was wrong. I was alone, it was the absolute lowest point in my entire life, I had lost everyone, all my friends, none of them wanted anything to do with me, it was not until I sucked up every ounce of pride I had and told them that I was wrong and that I would never try to have anything to do with her again that they would accept me back as a friend. They probably never even think about it anymore but I will always remember how my friends abandoned me for having feelings for someone, or if I can even say, loving someone.
But yeah that is what my friends have done to me, not to mention all the other small things since then and all the other things with my other friends. And also how everytime I meet new people or whatever I always seem to fuck everything up and ruin everything.
But yeah that is a small amount of the shit that has been going on in my life so maybe that helps some of you understand a little bit of what I have been going through.
February 9th, 2007
Lets see, first of all everything else going on in my life, secondly my parents will be losing their jobs, and thirdly I just got fucking fired.
The thing with my boss started a week or so ago when I had asked off for 2 days and he ended up giving me only 10 hours that week (3 days of work) even though I specifically said I could work any other day and he had already fired one driver a couple days before the work week. Well apparently I found out he does not like piercings or tattoos which I have both and he also does not like people who ask off which I have done as well so yeah already two strikes against me. So yeah, on Superbowl Sunday, I come into work while sick 103.2 temperature but I have to go home, I cannot even go outside without shivering uncontrollably so I have to call him and tell him what was going on . . . which I could tell by his tone he was pissed, my third strike.
So what does he do with this third strike, he takes how pissed off he is at me and finds something . . . Yes I will admit I have been late for work more times then I should have been but he is splitting hairs, I was late 17 out of 37 days of this year so far but about 10 of them were 1 to 4 minutes late and the latest was 10 minutes late. But he did not look at it like that he just looked at it as an excuse and when I came into work today late because of a malfunctioning traffic light he started to rip into me and at one point he said you have been late 17 out of 37 times, meaning you have been late over 50% of the time which I interjected 17 is not more then half of 37 to which he replied that if I wanted to get technical that I should bring in my hat (which I do not have because only cooks have hats, he does not even know what he gives out to his own fucking employees) and shirt next Friday when I get my last pay check because I am fired.
He never once mentioned me being late at all until I had to call in sick (I guess 17 was the lucky number) . . . whatever any of you do never work for Funhouse Pizza.
January 10th, 2007
Ok, since a lot of people are asking me what is wrong, I will try and give you at least an idea of what has been going through my head *takes a deep breath* ok.
First and foremost as you all know yes I have been single for over 2 years now so yeah that is something that really makes me feel like something is wrong with me but not as much as when all of you say how great of a guy I am and everything but then every girl I know goes off and dates guys that hurt them and treats them like shit, if I am such a great guy then why would people rather have their heart stepped on then be with me?
Now *sighs* the family aspect. Lets see, oh yeah to start off with most of you know I am straight edge, well my family is anything but that. My mom who drinks herself stupid (not as much anymore but still does on occasions) was to the point that she was getting drunk everyday and taking sleeping pills at the same time to the point that my dad and myself had to take them away from her. Which was too late for the damage it had done to her body since she soon after had to have her gall bladder removed because it was three times too big. Oh, a funny story about my parents, on my 21st birthday, you know what I was doing? Being the designated driver for my parents. Onto my brother. My 31 year old brother just recently moved back in with me and my parents because he has been having money problems and has been doing hard drugs (and on a side note, the last time my brother and I hung out was New Years Day 2006 when him and all his friends with him were drunk as hell and I ended up getting in a fight with him and kneeing him in the face). Yeah well my brother being the way he is does not help me at all because my dad now has it set in his mind that I will end up like him because of the fact that I have taken a year off from school to try and figure out what I want to do with my life so along with everything else going in my mind, I have him on my back asking me at least once or twice a week if I have figured out what I want to do with my life yet. Also, I have lost some of the respect I did have for my other brother after finding out that he smokes weed on a normal basis, I mean he has a wife and my twin nephews, sorry but that is just not something you should do once other people are relying on all the time.
Ok, finally on to friends. Probably some of the stuff that has hurt me the most has been caused by the ones that are supposed to be there the most for you. Well, to make you fully understand, I will have to tell you the story:
Over a year ago, my friend Ryan came to me telling me that he was worried about his little sister and so was his family. They were worried that she was cutting herself and he knew that I use to be the same way (for anyone who really knows me, knows I still pretty much am that way) so he thought I could better relate to her and I could help her. So I started talking to her and well to be honest both her and I became extremely interested in each other, I mean it was probably only the second time I had ever been so close with someone in my life. *sighs* Ryan found out that her and I were becoming so close and he called me a pedophile (she was 15, I was 20), and by him and her parents I was no longer allowed to see her, talk to her, or even IM her. Ryan at the time was in the band that I post up everywhere, Tear At The Walls, and him and the entire band wanted nothing to do with me. I had told Ryan and everyone including her parents that I would wait until she was older to act upon these feelings but that in order for that to happen her and I would at least need to be able to talk to each other but her parents did not see it that way saying that someone that young even having friends my age was wrong. I was alone, it was the absolute lowest point in my entire life, I had lost everyone, all my friends, none of them wanted anything to do with me, it was not until I sucked up every ounce of pride I had and told them that I was wrong and that I would never try to have anything to do with her again that they would accept me back as a friend. They probably never even think about it anymore but I will always remember how my friends abandoned me for having feelings for someone, or if I can even say, loving someone.
But yeah that is what my friends have done to me, not to mention all the other small things since then and all the other things with my other friends. And also how everytime I meet new people or whatever I always seem to fuck everything up and ruin everything.
But yeah that is a small amount of the shit that has been going on in my life so maybe that helps some of you understand a little bit of what I have been going through.
February 9th, 2007
Lets see, first of all everything else going on in my life, secondly my parents will be losing their jobs, and thirdly I just got fucking fired.
The thing with my boss started a week or so ago when I had asked off for 2 days and he ended up giving me only 10 hours that week (3 days of work) even though I specifically said I could work any other day and he had already fired one driver a couple days before the work week. Well apparently I found out he does not like piercings or tattoos which I have both and he also does not like people who ask off which I have done as well so yeah already two strikes against me. So yeah, on Superbowl Sunday, I come into work while sick 103.2 temperature but I have to go home, I cannot even go outside without shivering uncontrollably so I have to call him and tell him what was going on . . . which I could tell by his tone he was pissed, my third strike.
So what does he do with this third strike, he takes how pissed off he is at me and finds something . . . Yes I will admit I have been late for work more times then I should have been but he is splitting hairs, I was late 17 out of 37 days of this year so far but about 10 of them were 1 to 4 minutes late and the latest was 10 minutes late. But he did not look at it like that he just looked at it as an excuse and when I came into work today late because of a malfunctioning traffic light he started to rip into me and at one point he said you have been late 17 out of 37 times, meaning you have been late over 50% of the time which I interjected 17 is not more then half of 37 to which he replied that if I wanted to get technical that I should bring in my hat (which I do not have because only cooks have hats, he does not even know what he gives out to his own fucking employees) and shirt next Friday when I get my last pay check because I am fired.
He never once mentioned me being late at all until I had to call in sick (I guess 17 was the lucky number) . . . whatever any of you do never work for Funhouse Pizza.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
you're so sweet!!
Merry Christmas!!
xoxo
Sunshine