eyerush

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of the day I knew my most substantial relationship to date was doomed. I sent her an email today (not that I didn't have the balls to call her but I do want to honor this whole "time away from each other" thing.) telling her that I missed her and that I eventually would be able to meet her and discuss any future relationship, be it friendship or romantic or non existent. I almost wonder if I'm not getting involved enough in trying to get her back. I just don't want to force it on her. Yet sitting passively waiting while my world is crumbling around me is driving me nuts. I know that it is for the better. I know that I don't want her to come back to me because I pressurred her or made her second guess her inital decision to leave. I know that she is most likely gone and there is nothing I can do about it and any attempt would only make matters worse and yet I can't fight this feeling (no reo speed wagon jokes please) that there is something I can do tto convince her to stay and that if only I could remind her of the good things we had she'd come back. Feeling helpess sucks.

And, aboout the higher ground thing I mentioned a couple of blogs ago (the not going on a sexual rampage with the first willing girl that came along thng). It has taken a turn I never thought it would. Not only am I not going on one, I have no desire to. (I thought at first that I would not do it just in case or to reamin a good person or whatever) Now it comes to pass that I don't even want to be with anyone else. Me, the guy who couldn't walk down a street without checking out everyone that passes. I don't want to fool around with anyone? In thirty three years of terrestrial existence, I have never been this way. It really sucks to discover that you have had true love and lost it.

I moping I guess. This blog was more of a way to vent more than seek advice. Comment if you like and offer advice off of your own experience but more to me, is that you took the time to listen to my heart break. Thanks for that.

I already told Connie but now I have the idea for my next tattoo.

It is gonna be "Imeoidh s " on the back of my left arm and "seo freisin" on the back of my right in traditional celtic script. (Not the ornamental one but the plain one.) It is irish for the old biblical saying "This too shall pass". It has become my new motto. I need some advice on this though. Should the text read sideways from the top to bottom or on top of each other

L
i
k
e

t
h
i
s.

If sideways, ,on my left arm, with the letters reading top to bottom facing inward (top of the letters toward my body). On my right arm, should the letters read from top to bottom facing out or from bottom to top facing inwards (Like a horseshoe I guess) Or, should they go left are, bottom to top facing out right arm, top to bottom facing out so if my arms are raised it reads across. This may be a little hard to visualize so draw a picture nd give me some advice. Keep in my that most people will see it w/ my arms at my sides.

Anyhow, it is Thurs. and I am home from a long week in Eureka and my weekend starts a day early so I'm off to Buffalo's for some beer with my friends.