eyeballkid

I just got back from my first party in god knows how long. As that jerk-face Mcclaren would say, it was a fabulous disaster. When I got there it came to my attention that I was one one two over the age of 16, so as such, I had to help on the beer run. Figures. My ex was there and she forgot her I.D. so I got the honor of paying. A particularly painted whore of a cashier at Krogers noticed. "So you're making the beer run, huh?" "No, ma'am, this is all for me. I have issues." "Yeh right." "Heh, you got us young-ins figured out, ma'am." Whore. Later...
When me and my ex got back, there were atleast 10 more young troglodites present. A couple more old people. I asked one, "Is there a way to get on this roof?" Aparently he was thinking the same. "Yeh, in back. When the cops come, I'll see you up there." Of coarse half way into my vodka, the yelling started. "I'm sooooo drunk!" "Dude, I did 3000 shots of tequila!" Me and the old dude talked about Iron Maiden and how cool it would be to get an AC-DC tattoo.
About this time, it was discovered that there was puke in the fridge. Apparently Nikki, already knowing this, was in the driveway kicking old dudes car and yelling. "Don't kick his car," I said politely, "he didn't do it. We were talking about metal." She walked away, and a boy stood up. It was then I realised, she was kicking the shit out of some young boy. I laughed heartily. Then the heroes came out. "Dude, he puked in the fridge! Let's kick his ass!" I began picking up beer bottles, awaiting cops. Surprisingly, they never came. Later...
As Jason cleaned up the puke and I re-assured the birthday girl that we were not mad at her, nor dissapointed in her party, Jason started bitching. "The guys just a kid, man." I said,"You were dumb when you were young too." (You're still not the brightest color on the color wheel.) I thought. "No, he's 23." Jason said. "Oh." This slowly began to perturb me. Later...
Me and Jason were on pukeboys chest, yelling at him like drill sargeants. Well he was, I just said dumb things like, "That's a silly shirt. I don't care for it." and "That was alot of puke, you must be a big eater." I quickly tired of this and went back inside. My ex was looking for me. Later...
In the basement we caught up on old times. Talking about the lighter burn she got 8 years ago just across the street, when I had to walk 2 hours up there to console her, and so on. Naturaly we began making out. She was so beautiful, and I missed her. Even after 4 years. (We used to be engaged) She said, after we were half naked, that she no longer wanted to cheat on her husband. Great timing. When I woke up, the sun was shining and she was gone. I got up, drank some sink water and went home. I love being old.