i came to a realization earlier this morning. i am an adult. i am less than a year away from my real life. i am not ready for it. im not doing anything to get ready for it. i am wasting my life doing nothing. i am going to survive, but not thrive, if i continue to do what i do now. i want to go away, where no one knows me, where i can start fresh. where people dont hate me. where people dont have preconcieved low opinions of me. where i can work in peace. where people can respect me. i dont have any of that here. i hate it. i work so fucking hard in the studio, and no one knows it. its so fucking frustrating, i am beating on a brick wall, trying to get to the other side. but there is no other side. i might as well just go away.
i need to prepare for the rest of my life, because it hasnt fucking started yet. right now, this bullshit about "live for the moment" makes absolutely no sense to me. i cant live for the moment when i have the weight of the next 60 years and my future family to prepare for. and im failing miserably. i always am failing miserably. not that it fucking matters, i will just work at some shit job, and live paycheck to paycheck, then die alone anyway. thats the american way, right? fuck, i havent even started my life, and im already $30,000 in debt.
i need to be a better human. i need to be a better everything. if you dont stand out, you become invisible. i am living camouflage. i need to BE an adult.
i need to prepare for the rest of my life, because it hasnt fucking started yet. right now, this bullshit about "live for the moment" makes absolutely no sense to me. i cant live for the moment when i have the weight of the next 60 years and my future family to prepare for. and im failing miserably. i always am failing miserably. not that it fucking matters, i will just work at some shit job, and live paycheck to paycheck, then die alone anyway. thats the american way, right? fuck, i havent even started my life, and im already $30,000 in debt.
i need to be a better human. i need to be a better everything. if you dont stand out, you become invisible. i am living camouflage. i need to BE an adult.
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thanks for liking my pics. i lik eyours too, your a real cuttie!!!
sadness.
my comment on this post since i haven't made one yet in a written form is... if you keep worrying about the future you'll miss today, and that doesn' t mean live for the moment because that's really impossible, but just be happy with what you have, because you're always doing better than someone else in the world... and if you have love and people that love you, love them and make sure they know you love them, and everything should fall into place with your (and maybe my) future.
the end.