For 12 years I have been dealing with the side effects, constant blood work, and mentally admitting to myself of a medication called Lithium. At an early age, I was "diagnosed" as Bipolar, and as a teen I was frequently in mental hospitals, drug related overdoses, and suicide attempt hospital visits. I drank, smoked meth and heroin, snorted every drug imaginable with some unimaginable life experiences. How ironic, a Suicidegirl talking about how she is, literally, a suicide girl.
For 12 years I have been swapped for this and added to that. My medication pile up got to about 7-10 pills a day just so I can get through the day. The fear of impending doom just too close to my throat at all times. Each year would add up to a disappointment with false hopes, hoping to get better with another identical pill. I thought it was just going to be like this forever, and that this was my life. I would either be a pill popper for the rest of my life or I'd end up killing myself anyway.
Up until a few years ago I started to get tired of dealing with everything that Lithium brought me. For one, with Lithium you have to have constant blood work to make sure the Lithium isn't going into your kidney or livers, which can cause some serious damage. I'm terrified of needles (yeah I know, getting tattoos is not the same!) and it can also make you throw up, slur your words (which, i do.), and having other not so pleasant side effects. I started to want to change after meeting my current boyfriend, 3 years ago. The way he dealt with life I was envious of; you make your own happiness. There was a time he saw me at my lowest, and I never wanted him to see that part of me, and I didn't want that part to exist anymore.
I stopped drinking, I started smoking pot, I started working out and doing yoga, and stopped eating meat. Since then, I have become vegan and have learned a simple yet effective life lessons: make yourself happy and actually do it, be honest with yourself, and to stop hiding and be proud.
Today I got the okay from my doctor to start the detox process lasting 3 weeks. We are both hopeful and truly believe it will be the last visit I see of him. I am at peace with myself and have finally learned how to be happy.
In other random news, I reached 10k on instagram which I think is ridiculously cool that people want to see my face, my chickens, and my food haha.
And I also recorded a new song Exning on Soundcloud
For 12 years I have been swapped for this and added to that. My medication pile up got to about 7-10 pills a day just so I can get through the day. The fear of impending doom just too close to my throat at all times. Each year would add up to a disappointment with false hopes, hoping to get better with another identical pill. I thought it was just going to be like this forever, and that this was my life. I would either be a pill popper for the rest of my life or I'd end up killing myself anyway.
Up until a few years ago I started to get tired of dealing with everything that Lithium brought me. For one, with Lithium you have to have constant blood work to make sure the Lithium isn't going into your kidney or livers, which can cause some serious damage. I'm terrified of needles (yeah I know, getting tattoos is not the same!) and it can also make you throw up, slur your words (which, i do.), and having other not so pleasant side effects. I started to want to change after meeting my current boyfriend, 3 years ago. The way he dealt with life I was envious of; you make your own happiness. There was a time he saw me at my lowest, and I never wanted him to see that part of me, and I didn't want that part to exist anymore.
I stopped drinking, I started smoking pot, I started working out and doing yoga, and stopped eating meat. Since then, I have become vegan and have learned a simple yet effective life lessons: make yourself happy and actually do it, be honest with yourself, and to stop hiding and be proud.
Today I got the okay from my doctor to start the detox process lasting 3 weeks. We are both hopeful and truly believe it will be the last visit I see of him. I am at peace with myself and have finally learned how to be happy.
In other random news, I reached 10k on instagram which I think is ridiculously cool that people want to see my face, my chickens, and my food haha.
And I also recorded a new song Exning on Soundcloud
VIEW 25 of 39 COMMENTS
helvispresley:
wishing you the best lady!
elicit77:
Hearing this news makes me extremely happy. <3 So you are still keeping up with your music because I was talking about you to a friend of mine the other day. I was telling him about how awesome of a vocalist you are. Just sayin'. 