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evy

Pensacola, Florida

Member Since 2004

Followers 21 Following 26

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Thursday Jan 19, 2006

Jan 19, 2006
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So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown





I don't know why I chose this song to identify with right now, but it just feels like how I feel. I'm in that place between me and this me that has been living here for so long. I can tell that I'm starting to feel different because of my medications, but I'm definitely nowhere near better yet. I'm not myself yet, but I'm headed there. I'm trying to teach myself to just let go of stress, of anger, of preoccupation, of fear, of pain, of unnecessary worry, of unrealistic goals, of a life that is irrational for me to try and live. Who I am is amazing when I am me and I want that to be here. Life is alright when it all works out because even in chaos, even in the breakdown, there is beauty. There is beauty in all of life, even the hurt and anger. Without these emotions, a person cannot know what joy or love is, a person cannot see beauty without having seem grime. It's not a place to stay, but the breakdown has a beauty that must be experienced for life to be right and natural.





Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like





This song, if you aren't aware, is the closing theme to Garden State, which I just watched last night, and I feel like him. I'm trying to not feel numb anymore; I'm trying to live my own life again, even if it isn't what some people want. When I can really love myself again, I can learn to really love those around me too.

I guess I also feel that I need a moment like the end of that movie. I need to know how I'm felt about by him. I need him to stop pushing me away to "write his tragedy" and quit putting up his guards, to quit "bubble-wrapping" himself. He's never going to learn to be himself or find out who he is or who we are or where we are going if he keeps doing this.





Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary, can't-live-without-you love, it's a waste of your time.
Too many things in life are mediocre....love should never be one of them.





Thanks Catriona.





I can't wait to be me again.

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