Things I feel like telling you all about me - or that I just want to get off my chest:
-Yes, chances are high I will be back at Witt next year against my better judgement and my deep desire to just want to leave for a while. I said I wasn't coming back for my senior year, and now there is a plan that will allow me to stay monitarily, but that doesn't mean my heart is really in it.
-I feel like I'd be staying for my friends and not for me.
-I feel stupid for admitting this, especially since I shouldn't complain, but I miss Steve alot right now. I think I'd miss him no matter what, but it is 8 million times worse right now because I'm upset about stuff and nervous about my surgery on Friday. I could just really use a good cuddle from him. He has such an amazing "nook."
-I feel kinda emotionally detached from everyone and everything right now. My friends from home want to do stuff with me before my surgery, but I don't. I just want to sit around the house and sleep and veg and be left alone. Wow, I'm really depressed, I think.
-I'm afraid to see the endocrinologist in case their theories of tumors are right.
-I hate how insecure Steve is and how it shows whenever our relationship starts to take the next step. It popped up between friends and dating; dating and boyfiriend/girlfriend; sex; love... I know he's afraid of getting hurt, but I really don't like being pushed away.
-I don't like how Steve handles his stress the same ways I do. Damn, we are too much alike. I know it's unhealthy for me, but it's okay when I do it. When he does it, it makes me sad.
-I hate that when I cnofronted him with my feelings about the previous two statements I felt like I was breaking up with him and I'm afraid he may have taken it that way. I wasn't. I want to be with him.
-I hate that I don't feel wanted, like I'm everyone's second choice.
-I hate how disgusting I feel.
-I love that we might finally be moving into a house!!
-I love that that means I might be getting a puppy!!
-I hate that busting my ass for chem seems to have pulled my other grades down while pulling that one up. Grr. Dudek!!
-I hate that it's Christmas time, but totally doesn't feel like it. What the hell is up with that?
-I'm really nervous about Friday.
-I don't like pain like this. I like it when I'm control. That's why I can deal with tattoos or piercings or some of the other stuff I do to myself, but when I have no control over it and no hand in choosing it, I can't handle it.
-I don't want my dad there Friday.
-I don't know how to explain to Steve the intricacies of why I hate my dad and what all exactly happened that fucked me up so much back then.
"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." ~Nietzsche
-Yes, chances are high I will be back at Witt next year against my better judgement and my deep desire to just want to leave for a while. I said I wasn't coming back for my senior year, and now there is a plan that will allow me to stay monitarily, but that doesn't mean my heart is really in it.
-I feel like I'd be staying for my friends and not for me.
-I feel stupid for admitting this, especially since I shouldn't complain, but I miss Steve alot right now. I think I'd miss him no matter what, but it is 8 million times worse right now because I'm upset about stuff and nervous about my surgery on Friday. I could just really use a good cuddle from him. He has such an amazing "nook."
-I feel kinda emotionally detached from everyone and everything right now. My friends from home want to do stuff with me before my surgery, but I don't. I just want to sit around the house and sleep and veg and be left alone. Wow, I'm really depressed, I think.
-I'm afraid to see the endocrinologist in case their theories of tumors are right.
-I hate how insecure Steve is and how it shows whenever our relationship starts to take the next step. It popped up between friends and dating; dating and boyfiriend/girlfriend; sex; love... I know he's afraid of getting hurt, but I really don't like being pushed away.
-I don't like how Steve handles his stress the same ways I do. Damn, we are too much alike. I know it's unhealthy for me, but it's okay when I do it. When he does it, it makes me sad.
-I hate that when I cnofronted him with my feelings about the previous two statements I felt like I was breaking up with him and I'm afraid he may have taken it that way. I wasn't. I want to be with him.
-I hate that I don't feel wanted, like I'm everyone's second choice.
-I hate how disgusting I feel.
-I love that we might finally be moving into a house!!
-I love that that means I might be getting a puppy!!
-I hate that busting my ass for chem seems to have pulled my other grades down while pulling that one up. Grr. Dudek!!
-I hate that it's Christmas time, but totally doesn't feel like it. What the hell is up with that?
-I'm really nervous about Friday.
-I don't like pain like this. I like it when I'm control. That's why I can deal with tattoos or piercings or some of the other stuff I do to myself, but when I have no control over it and no hand in choosing it, I can't handle it.
-I don't want my dad there Friday.
-I don't know how to explain to Steve the intricacies of why I hate my dad and what all exactly happened that fucked me up so much back then.
"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." ~Nietzsche
-I hate that I don't feel wanted, like I'm everyone's second choice.
-I hate how disgusting I feel.
I think those 2 statements are me in a nutshell, lately.