evil1

Tonight was a good night, and for that I woke up with a smile on my face... I like that.

Not having a job has given me a lot of time to really think about things- myself, life, blah blah blah, and I've really realized so much. When life hands you lemons- make lemonade. I think for one of the few times in life, I am actually honestly happy. There has been a lot of crap holding back the person that I really am- and after so many times of struggling to get past it all, I've finally done it, and I feel like a new person- I feel yet- "alive" once again. It's sad though that it has taken me almost 27 years to finally get to this point in my life, and unfortunately now I have to try and repair all the damage I have caused to those I love... I just hope it's possible.

Is it wrong to not always live life for yourself? I mean, for me- one of the things I find most gratifying in life is the feeling I get for making someone else happy. Some people say thats wrong, or that I'm sacrificing my happiness for others... but it's not like that. I just love to see others happy, and I love to do things for others- at a point, it makes me feel "useful" in life. LIke they say- actions speak louder than words. I guess I'm just doing a lot of rambling right now and not making much sense... hey- it's still early and my mind is clouded with a zillion thoughts! Oh well, I have a party to go to tonight- I'm looking forward to it- I need escape reality for a bit and go shake my booty!