Yes, Vegas was as great as I thought it would be. Lots of drinking and walking the strip, meeting new people and enjoying my favorite person's company. The hair show was awesome as well, saw some new things, fashion show type stuff, and bought the new TiGi haircare line of products. The weather was amazing and all in all it was so good that I wish I could go back. Since being home life has once again sucked, but, I just keep the memories of that weekend in my head and it sort of helps.
I am so tired and I can't sleep. I feel like a zombie, like a shell of a person, and it's incredibly annoying. I cry myself to sleep, and I cry when I wake up and it just won't go away. I open my mouth to talk to him about it, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable either, so I say nothing but the random small talk. Everytime I have the nerve to just pour my heart out, it isn't the right time...I really like to think that things will work out and I will be happy again but I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure that it will be ok. I don't see myself being happy again. Not anytime in the near future at any rate.
My birthday is in 18 days and I am scared to death that I'll be alone with nothing to do. My best friend is thousands of miles away and I won't be seeing her until atleast Dec/Jan if not Feb when she says they are moving back here. I mean, I have friends and I know they told me they'd take me out, and not let me be alone, but there are only 2 people I really care to spend my birthday with, and like I said one is thousands of miles away and the other...well, I'm not sure if he wants to hang out with me or not. I don't want shit for my brithday. Not one gift, not one card. I just want to spend the day with him. That would be the best gift ever.
Ok, that's enough pity I suppose. It's just late, I'm tired as hell and I have been tossing and turning in bed for the last few hours. I'm also thinking that I need to get tattooed again soon. The stars on my chest need to be filled in a little more and I want to add some flowers and such...We'll see. I am actually going out on Saturday night for the first time in forever. After this week it is much needed and hopefully it will help me feel better to be surrounded by friends and the like. The guys are back from Iraq, going to call a bunch of girlfriends of mine and the boy is hopefully still coming. All in all, should be some type of fun...I just hope that I don't turn into that drunk girl that gets wasted at the bar and cries in everyone's beer, haha. Ok yea, if that happened, I'd leave the country, seriously
Ok. Let's try this sleep thing again. Next time I update, I promise it will be sooner and lighter...No more of this pity shit. I'm allowed one day of pity tho right?
I am so tired and I can't sleep. I feel like a zombie, like a shell of a person, and it's incredibly annoying. I cry myself to sleep, and I cry when I wake up and it just won't go away. I open my mouth to talk to him about it, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable either, so I say nothing but the random small talk. Everytime I have the nerve to just pour my heart out, it isn't the right time...I really like to think that things will work out and I will be happy again but I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure that it will be ok. I don't see myself being happy again. Not anytime in the near future at any rate.
My birthday is in 18 days and I am scared to death that I'll be alone with nothing to do. My best friend is thousands of miles away and I won't be seeing her until atleast Dec/Jan if not Feb when she says they are moving back here. I mean, I have friends and I know they told me they'd take me out, and not let me be alone, but there are only 2 people I really care to spend my birthday with, and like I said one is thousands of miles away and the other...well, I'm not sure if he wants to hang out with me or not. I don't want shit for my brithday. Not one gift, not one card. I just want to spend the day with him. That would be the best gift ever.
Ok, that's enough pity I suppose. It's just late, I'm tired as hell and I have been tossing and turning in bed for the last few hours. I'm also thinking that I need to get tattooed again soon. The stars on my chest need to be filled in a little more and I want to add some flowers and such...We'll see. I am actually going out on Saturday night for the first time in forever. After this week it is much needed and hopefully it will help me feel better to be surrounded by friends and the like. The guys are back from Iraq, going to call a bunch of girlfriends of mine and the boy is hopefully still coming. All in all, should be some type of fun...I just hope that I don't turn into that drunk girl that gets wasted at the bar and cries in everyone's beer, haha. Ok yea, if that happened, I'd leave the country, seriously
Ok. Let's try this sleep thing again. Next time I update, I promise it will be sooner and lighter...No more of this pity shit. I'm allowed one day of pity tho right?
Getting it out in the open may make things an awful lot worse in the short term but once the problems been recognised you can start working for a solution. That solution may be something you really don't want at the moment but at least it will leave you in a situation where you can start moving forward again. As long as you're hiding a secret you are stuck in limbo, constantly worrying about the same thing.
Of course I know jack shit about your actual situation so the above may be complete bollocks but its certainly advice I wish I'd listened to more often.
Going out and having a good time is of course the next best solution and if it all comes out when wasted then so what, its your birthday in a few weeks and I think its perfectly acceptable to drag out the event for 3 weeks or longer if needs be. After all your're important and if people don't recognise it on your birthday they are fools who need the obvious pinting out to them.
Have a great night, by the sounds of it you are not alone and people are the greatest source of hope on the planet, use them.
Edit: Waaaay longer then I thought it was. Sorry.
[Edited on Oct 13, 2005 6:26PM]