good news first. Grama is home from the hospital and is feeling much better. and I don't feel sick anymore, still have this dizzy bullshit but i'm not nauseous and throwing up everything i consume. now onto some heavier stuff.
recently i've been talking to a photographer friend of mine about shooting a set and all that. but don't get all excited just yet.
this might not be much of a surprise to anyone but i'm really not sure if i want to shoot for SG or not anymore. don't get me wrong i would love to be a SG but i feel like unless i shoot with Alissa or another staff photographer i have no chance of that happening. and the chances of me getting to shoot with staff is very slim, mostly because of where i live. which blows. on top of that i have barely lost any weight and i'm still uncomfortable with my body.
and it's just so hard to break into SG nowadays it seems. i mean i still love this site, but i just don't think i have a chance and i have vowed to myself to NEVER be one of those hopefuls with 8 gazillion denied/lost in MR sets that are never going to be front page no matter how good the photography is or how much they improve with each set. plus i think i'm pretty in tune with the reality of the situation; i know i'm no Pilot, Casanova, Damsel, Creepy, Aisline, or Phecda. i know there are thick girls on this site but they are thick in flattering ways, i'm just all chubby in awkward/annoying/unsexy places and shooting a good set requires you to be comfortable with yourself, and i'm not comfortable in my own skin in the least right now. so i'm thinking maybe i should just remove my hopeful tag for a few months/years until i've had time to maybe build up a modeling portfolio and such and then get back into this. it's something i kind of jumped into anyway, without putting much thought into what i was actually getting into, but now that i know, i think my best option is to just wait it out. it will give me a chance to really think about why i want to be a suicide girl and give me time to get back in shape and have a body that i am comfortable showing off.
no i'm not trying to get attention nor do i want people to give me any sort of special attention/flattery because of my feelings about this (i mean however you choose to react is your own decision but i'm not doing/saying this for attention). i kind of hate that i have to have a disclaimer for my actions sometimes, i just feel like i need to relly clarify myself on the internet otherwise people get the wrong idea. moving on... i just know that the chances of me being pink are pretty low right now. and when/if i do get back into this whole thing i'm deff taking a page from my girl Kurosune's book and only shooting like one or two quality sets and if they don't get bought then i won't keep trying.
in other news i'm not going back to camp next week. i still feel dizzy and i was just like in the awkward limbo where i wasn't a counselor, wasn't a camper and wasn't a CIT so i really didn't know what i was supposed to be doing the whole time. ugh and the food there is so good but so fattening it was killing any chance i had of losing weight. plus, as silly as it sounds, i was miserable without Wally. he's always with me so it was really weird not to have him around. i'll have some pictures up soonish. it rained the first two days and i was sick the other few i was there so there weren't many chances to take pictures. i'll throw some in from previous camp sessions to make up for it though.
welp thats all for now folks!
xo
Eveski
recently i've been talking to a photographer friend of mine about shooting a set and all that. but don't get all excited just yet.
this might not be much of a surprise to anyone but i'm really not sure if i want to shoot for SG or not anymore. don't get me wrong i would love to be a SG but i feel like unless i shoot with Alissa or another staff photographer i have no chance of that happening. and the chances of me getting to shoot with staff is very slim, mostly because of where i live. which blows. on top of that i have barely lost any weight and i'm still uncomfortable with my body.
and it's just so hard to break into SG nowadays it seems. i mean i still love this site, but i just don't think i have a chance and i have vowed to myself to NEVER be one of those hopefuls with 8 gazillion denied/lost in MR sets that are never going to be front page no matter how good the photography is or how much they improve with each set. plus i think i'm pretty in tune with the reality of the situation; i know i'm no Pilot, Casanova, Damsel, Creepy, Aisline, or Phecda. i know there are thick girls on this site but they are thick in flattering ways, i'm just all chubby in awkward/annoying/unsexy places and shooting a good set requires you to be comfortable with yourself, and i'm not comfortable in my own skin in the least right now. so i'm thinking maybe i should just remove my hopeful tag for a few months/years until i've had time to maybe build up a modeling portfolio and such and then get back into this. it's something i kind of jumped into anyway, without putting much thought into what i was actually getting into, but now that i know, i think my best option is to just wait it out. it will give me a chance to really think about why i want to be a suicide girl and give me time to get back in shape and have a body that i am comfortable showing off.
no i'm not trying to get attention nor do i want people to give me any sort of special attention/flattery because of my feelings about this (i mean however you choose to react is your own decision but i'm not doing/saying this for attention). i kind of hate that i have to have a disclaimer for my actions sometimes, i just feel like i need to relly clarify myself on the internet otherwise people get the wrong idea. moving on... i just know that the chances of me being pink are pretty low right now. and when/if i do get back into this whole thing i'm deff taking a page from my girl Kurosune's book and only shooting like one or two quality sets and if they don't get bought then i won't keep trying.
in other news i'm not going back to camp next week. i still feel dizzy and i was just like in the awkward limbo where i wasn't a counselor, wasn't a camper and wasn't a CIT so i really didn't know what i was supposed to be doing the whole time. ugh and the food there is so good but so fattening it was killing any chance i had of losing weight. plus, as silly as it sounds, i was miserable without Wally. he's always with me so it was really weird not to have him around. i'll have some pictures up soonish. it rained the first two days and i was sick the other few i was there so there weren't many chances to take pictures. i'll throw some in from previous camp sessions to make up for it though.
welp thats all for now folks!
xo
Eveski
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
brightredscream:
I miss you ♥
sureality:
You gotta be comfortable first!