evapilotone

What the shit. I'm listening to Pendulum.

It's the 17th of June, and I have not worked since the 28th May.
I still have my job, but basically, cutting a long story short, I didn't go to work on the 29th. I got off the train and walked in a different direction. I waited until just after 9am, rang my boss, made up a fucking bull-shit story and proceeded to "enjoy" my day. I just couldn't hack it.

I got found out.

My boss rang my house, thinking I was home, my mother answered. So yeah. I'm not proud or happy about what I've done. I've lied. One thing I promised I would never do. It sickens me. So I went home, after getting picked up by my dad. We got back and basically had a massive chat between my mum, dad and I.

I needed it.

What eats me up the most is that my parents weren't even that angry. Sure, they were pissed, but they just wanted to help and couldn't understand why it was I thought that I couldn't speak to them. My mum even said that she felt guilty as she couldn't save me when my boss rang, as my boss sort of "trapped" her into the discussion.
It fucking horrible. Thinking for years that I was good at expressing myself, when really all I was doing was bottling it up like somebody who had no one, when really I'm one of the richest people on the planet when it comes to those who love and care for me.

There is a lot of shit that I should have discussed, planned out better, dealt with better, but I didn't, so here I am, in the middle of the third week of four that the doctor has signed me off for due to stress.

Stress for fuck sake.

A big part of me is telling myself to shut the fuck up and get on with it, I'm bigger than this. I feel guilty about taking time for myself. However, after speaking to my parents, friends, girlfriend, I realise that I NEED this. It's about time I addressed the BS. Get things on the right track and get out of this hole once and for all.

So yeah, it's no-ones fault but my own. I've spoken to my boss, my companies HR department, and they are all seemingly happy with what I've done after the stupid mistake. I've apologies for lying, and I've even started using the counciling that my company offer through my Health Care. I'll just have to take what they throw at me when I return.
Things are turning around. And it'll only get better.

In light of things, I think my family and I have confirmed that I need to move out ASAP, debt or no debt. At the end of the day I was using the fact that Sarah didn't have an income as a excuse where I could clear what little debt I had. So, Sarah starts her new job in a couple of weeks time, and I can afford to move out even with the debt I still pay out on. I've even cut up a few cards as a promise and confirmation that I want it cleared, so hopefully within 3 months, I'll be out of this place.

I've used my time off just to chill out really. Sure, there are things that I have sorted out here and there, but alot of the time I've been with Sarah, I've seen my dad and hung out with him. It's all good. Been bowling with friends, went on walks, went to the Westend Festival and I have a few other things planned. I'm seeing Transformers 2 on Friday morning. 00.05 AM to be exact.

Then it's Beard Hero. WHICH I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT.

Anyway, I hope you guys have had less BS to deal with. I'll see some of you soon.