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KAPOW MOTHER FUCKERS!!!

Behold! Behold a tale, a tale of old...a tale of a man. A man so cunning, so sexual, so daring and dangerous! Yes, DANGEROUS! Yes. A tale that will turn socks inside out. Turn your stomach to solid wood. Turn your mother into a kitchen sink. This tale, a tale of precious wonder. A man who is so dangerous, he can turn a moose...A MOOSE!... Upside down, using only a spoon, a beaver and his Penis.

Yes my people. I come to tell this tale of yore, so that you may pass it on and learn from it's wisdom and stupidity. Let this tale make you repent! Repent so that your lives may be rid of cold cheese on toast, soggy towels and warm Coca Cola.

Let it begin...

Friday the 14th (Oooooh, Nearly!) November. The night before the wedding...My mothers wedding. Sarah and I arrive at the hotel for the rehearsal, which goes smoothly, save for some mad old git winding up the flower girls, so that made things a little harder. But we had a nice meal, met some old and new faces and went home, fully prepared for the day that was looming.
So we wake up, I get dressed to take the girls over to the hotel so that they can get ready there. Then come back to get ready myself. I hate getting ready for stuff like this. I always end up really wound up and cranky as shit, so no doubt Sarah was about to batter me.
So we got there, again, met some old and new faces, chatted here and there. STARTED DRINKING!
Yes, this is the part where I tell you that I love Lambs Dark Rum and Ginger Ale. NOM NOM NOM
It took an awful long time to actually get started. The wedding I mean. So my sister and I, including all the wee flower girls, were left waiting in the lobby (I was giving my mum away and my sister was head bridesmaid), but eventually mum turned up, and we proceeded to the ceremony. It was lovely all in all, and lasted all of 30 mins, if that. Lovely all the more.
So we exited to the bar! The photographer was zipping in and out, taking "natural" shots etc, took some formals and then we headed to the reception hall. The dinner was awesome. The white chocolate gateau with Baileys ice cream was a high light

So after all the speaches, laughs and tears, it was time to boogy on down, or not in my case, apart from when Journey came on. Although, the DJ got me a belter, saying that he needed to get me up to dance seeing all of my "friends" (only kidding) complained about me not dancing at all. So the tosser goes to get me up, then puts on The Birdy Song. The twat. LOL. So he finally sticks on Journey, which was full of drunken win! My mother even had a video of me playing air guitar and head banging during the guitar solo.

We had a great time all in all. Here are some pics...

So that was that, we crashed in the hotel room, in a bit of a lack lustre bed, which was on wheels...WHEELS! So it kept moving everytime you moved...
Sunday came, we went home, Mum and John left for Mexico...

The bastards. Might I add that I have wanted to go to Mexico for some time...

Anyway, I was now home alone for two weeks! An exciting prospect for anyone my age, when all they can think about is moving out, but alas, I still had to work, so during the two weeks, I gave buses the finger and drove to work...

So work came and went. Friday I stayed at Sarah as I was due to leave for Leeds in the morning with my mates, and seeing he lived only 15 mins away from Sarahs, it seemed sensible. Leeds you ask? Yes, Leeds. I was going to Leeds for Damnation. A festival that has become very popular very quickly. Mainly due to the fact of the lineup. Yes! The might fucking CARCASS!
They were amazing. Easily in the top five live acts I've seen. Simply amazing. They played all my favourite, including Genital Grinder/Reek Medley, Exhume to Consume, Ruptured in Purulence, Corporal Jigsore Quandry, Incarnated Solvent Abuse, Buried Dreams, Carnal Forge, No Love Lost, Heartwork, Embodiment and Keep on Rotting in the Free World, among others. Good times.
The only couple of downers was the lay out of the Leeds University Union wasn't the best for the number of people who attended, and also the tosser who winded me when Carcass came on and forced me to leave the prime spot that I had... enjoy your broken nose you prick. Yeah, so prime spot...see?

So after Carcass finished, which was about 11.30, we started the drive home, which took about 5 or so hours in total. When I picked up my car at the other end, I went to pick up Sarah, who stayed at Aileen and Colins after a night out and we both headed home to get to sleep. We pretty much chilled on Sunday and Monday (which I took off), watched some TV, lazed about, did some Crimbo Shopping (Which, by the way, I have almost completed). I really enjoyed having the place to ourselves. It was, in a way, a little preview into what living together would be like, and I can happily say it's the one thing I want more than anything right now. I love her.

So I returned to work on the Tuesday, for all of an hour and a half, as the electricty and water was AWOL, we all had to get sent home, so I rang Sarah, who was still in town, and we proceeded to shop and eventually drop. So I took her home, hoping the next morning I would have a call/message saying not to come into work.

BEEZER! I did have a call. So another day off! WIN!
So again, Sarah and I did some shopping and went home to a meal and a movie. Good times.

Friday came, which I worked, and 5pm didn't come quick enough. I picked up Geoff (AesirR) from the train station and we ventured to meet Sam (Oskar) for a meal. We had a pretty awesome pizza in a little place in Glasgow. Geoff and I pretty much headed home after that. We were beat. Me working and him having a long journey. So we bought a shit load of beer, and chilled out with some Family Guy. Good times again.
On Saturday we were up earlyish to get to the Studio that Geoff had booked, as he had a few models lined up over the weekend for some shoots. We picked up the first model, who was a good laugh, and got to the studio. I think Geoff was like a kid in a candy store. It was much better than he thought, with plenty of things to use and explore. So I left him to it, pretty much chilling out, playing chess on his laptop and had some banter between the guys. He got his fill in the end, we took the model home and then got back to get ready to go out ourselves. I was a bit gutted by this point, as Sarah had fallen ill with a nasty abcess in her mouth, so she wasn't going to make the SG Scotland meet, that I know she was looking forward to. Despite this, I said hey on the phone to her and then left with Geoff to get the bus. Talk about a baptism of fire for Geoff. His first Glasgow bus ride and it's packed with neds (chavs) who are drinking at the back of the bus. So Geoff gets his first experiance of the legendary "Neddish"...the native tongue of the ned, which you have to be a ned to understand. His face was priceless.

We got to the 13th Note, to be greeting by a few members. It was my first SG meet, so I didn't really know what to expect, but when more people turned up and the drinks started flowing, I had a blast! I really enjoyed myself. We ended up going out after the pub, and I basically made a fool of myself on the dance floor. I had a great time. I only wish Sarah could have been there. Thanks to you all that made it that night, you know who you are. You guys are awesome. Here's to the next meet!

Sunday was pretty much the same, Studio with more models, etc etc, then Geoff and I headed home for more beer and Brasseye.
I was sorry to see Geoff go on Monday. I had a killer weekend, so I hope to see him and the others soon. Thanks man!
Monday was pretty much my own after that...I did some more christmas shopping and then headed over to see Sarah for a wee bit. I didn't stay long, but enough to say hi and give her Preston (A stuffed toy Penguin) and some flowers, because I love her and all that...

I headed home, tidied the house for my mothers arrival the next day.
They got home safely from Mexico. We did the usual showing of the pics and I got a couple of presents!

That pretty much leaves me at tonight from the first day a couple of weeks ago...
It's been an epic couple of weeks. I've loved having the place to myself and enjoying it with Sarah. It's been a wee holiday of peace and quiet for me too I guess. It's good to see mum again though.

Anyway. I'll leave it at that.

Nos vemos en el espacio vaquero!

P.S. I have a Facebook. Go find me.