evangeline

I love my job. I sell shoes. The shoes are fine and all but it's the people i work with that really do it for me, i think i've mentioned this before.

You know when people just GET you? We're a well oiled machine; we get each other. Mix that in with almost complete lack of customers and you get a very Clerks-esque situation.

It's a new store in the mall so there's a lot of dead space, still researching what makes people want the shoes or not. One of my coworkers decided it would be useful to start keeping a list of all the people that try on a shoe but DON'T buy- that way we have to learn their names so we establish a relationship with the customer and we can figure out kind of things to look for.

I told him that it was a great idea but i can already foresee the problem with this. Generally after talking with a customer and pulling different shoes from the stockroom and placing them on a strange foot it can be a letdown when they don't buy anything and you are tempted to fill out the form as follows:

Name: Persnickety Old Hag
Reason Didn't Buy: Couldn't find shoes to fit on gigantic old hag feet

But i haven't. I have exhibited the utmost self control and refrained.

Until today.


You must understand! It was so slow and the other manager was putting up new shoes in the back. I was all alone and sooo fucking bored! So this is what resulted:

Name: Frenchie DeMaupassant
Reason Didn't Buy: Not French enough

Name: Allistor Poughkeepsie
Reason Didn't Buy: More Cowbell

Name: Ernesto Guevera
Reason Didn't Buy: Not Union Made

Name: Fermat
Reason Didn't Buy: Formulated excellent theory on why our shoes are stupid, but left before he could prove it

Name: Joe Dem
Reason Didn't Buy: Liked the new styles, but looking for something less feminine but not in black

Name: Wynona Rider
Reason Didn't Buy: Tried and liekd several different styles but left abruptly without purchasing?

Name: Morty Seinfeld
Reason Didn't Buy: Left in furious rage claiming women's jacket a 'ripoff' of 'The Executive'

Name: Justin T.
REason Didn't Buy: Really just tried on shoe to have opportunity to invite me to his hotel later

Name: Nancy S.
Reason Didn't Buy: Boots not suitable for walking over unsavory gentlemen

Name: Joe Cocker
Reason Didn't Buy: Had to have a little help from his friends deciding...returned after his friends then got him high and told him he would look fine if he just left his hat on

Name: Britney S.
Reason Didn't Buy: Not enough fired chicken and vagina





My exboyfriend Brian rode a motorcycle. The news just reported a fatal motorcycle crash, no one i know.

It's never the ones you hope.