The past few weeks have been very interesting started by coming home to my house having been burglarized, to a trip to Orlando, meeting with Mr Big, crying for days because it wasn't long enough and frankly being separated from him grows more difficult everyday.
everyday...
Got fired, Amazing cab ride to Dulles AirPort after making original driver that gave me the hebees turn the cab around and let me out! You wanna act like don't understand a word I'm saying and your cab looks like you live in it= suck a dick
Anywho the second driver looked like a Sufi prophet which kinda resembles what we now associate with terrorist
He was very articulate and well read, dreams of living in the desert with his books and I saw the vision as he spoke. He questioned me a lot on why I speak the way I do and at one point bluntly asked me if my friends were black or white before getting Really real and stating I'm not black! Then said well you are but you don't black people!!!
you can get cut for voicing that observation in mixed company you know. I explained that I am not my race, my family or what society has spent most of my life predisposing me to. I am ME and education is a huge deal in my family as well as representing ourselves in our best light. I'm Aquarian, duality at it's finest. I am simply not built to be anything other than my highest and best self . We shared views on politics and the puppet game of DC, society, relationships where he disclosed - he loves black women, the darker the better. I was never uncomfortable which is odd for me. Strangely I was very intrigued and felt very safe and thankful I followed that gnarly feeling to flee the first drivers car! it was cold as balls..but the discussion on poetry and his surprise as I spoke to Sufism and one of my favorite poet/ prophets being Khalil Gibran
He turned all the way around while driving, pleasantly surprised and fully engaged.
These are the interactions that fill me...
Next Morning Hawaii
We were on the island of Oahu on Waikiki beach, can't wait to go back. I just felt like I could live there! Surf lessons and some hikes. Met some cool people, landed to all star weekend and the streets packed with vendors and spectators. Beautiful people and LA is super close
Flew into NY, kidnapped by Jen for my birthday and a few days after. Her code name is now the kidnap queen!
Through thick and thin here we are she and I as different as sunshine and rain! She is my soul sister..
Hope a plane back to Orlando, birthday celebrations continue...cause I'm 40 bitches...that's what my shirt said and on the back Blackie O. The highlight was after drinking and ready to leave downtown I hear someone call blackie O and immediately responded. she loved my shirt and nick name and that I responded to her. I thought she was cute for finding the humor...
Yes new ink! Hookah lounge that was tres fabulous, although I will say I do not recommend the oxygen bar. I was just bored and looked ridonculous with the thing in the nose
so boring... Smoke hookah, it's really good!
Bonded with my ill loves
Loved seeing Phoenix's mom, I will forever be thankful for having built a relationship with Kenya. It ensures No matter what that I can be a part of Phoenix's life and I really enjoy her as a person, she has a really good soul and feels like the kind of blanket your grandmother. Crocheted, with a cup of tea on a crisp morning watching the sunrise beyond the sea.
I have amazing people in my life and I am always so thankful for it!
Flew back to NY to get the second suitcase and maybe take my old computer since the MacBook Pro was stolen, can't deal with the old computer in my head so IPad for now and back to the kidnap queen who now has a migraine. Mind you I left with one bag. Returned home eventually with two.
Arrive home finally after issue with new second suitcase, it did not survive and I looked like a stone cold moron in the Port Authority trying to maneuver a wheely suitcase , it's handle in my second suitcase, big old bag and cupcakes.
Home now mom is major upset, brother thinks he's CIA and I am fighting the urge to smash shit with a baseball bat. Also ignoring the fact I don't want to be here at all. I just knew they needed me to be. So I am....yet beyond ready to be out of here. Go to get ready for bed and a break up text. Yes a breakup text from one of my closest friends of 22 years. She went on a tangent September 29 about how she feels like we Rent close anymore. I spoke to being done with this relationship in my last blog and she essentially said what I didn't feel needed to be spoken, people grow a part and have different roads and all that its not you it's me shit, only she met very much that I am the issue. I responded after calming down simply insightful and my love always, take care of you. I sit very sad that it needed tone said, because as much as I agree that we are in different places, we all find ourselves back when we balance out and catch up. This really said she has no intention of catching up.
I have mourned this relationship for the past year, being respectful to my friend as she chose to lie low and get herself together always with a promise of coming out strong the next season and the next and the one after that. All the phone calls she wouldn't take, all the invitations she had some excuse for all the time I've missed with her son Luka all the times I will miss with Luka. I've mourned that people have come to me for guidance and more will do the same in the future but the one person I should have been able to help, we'll I've lost! I think to how this person knows all of the intimate details of me since we were in high school, how much I have tried to share by way of people and experiences and for some reason I draw blank when. I think to what she has really given. I don't know very much at all about this person, could this be possible that she is so transparent and simple? Or really good at digging into another's life without opening herself? There is nothing wrong with who she is, she is simply no longer a part of my life and I am sad about it and mad about it as that message was a pretense. It was her dumping drama on me, projecting because she Facebook stalks and didn't have my attention. Same emo roller coaster Brian tried taking me on and I shut him out too! It is important to have conversations, to share because what we feel is important but it is neither fair nor polite to go dump your shit on someone as you ignorantly wallow in a tantrum! It's bullshit!!! Know she and her hurt feelings can suck a dick until I get over being mad and then she can just be a person I know, until the time she sees fit to grow....
No idea what this month holds, next month looks like la fashion week, then costa rica for steph's birthday! Thank God she has chosen the tropics cause mama wants some sun, yoga and zip line!!!!
My professional passion seems to be throwing itself in my lap and I am so thankful, excited and having to take time out because too many different opportunities are swirling about, I just want to focus and not over extend myself.
It's been a beautiful year despite the chaos and non pleasant occurrences, I know it's all to help guide me and one day none of it will matter!
Mr big is another matter....it saddens me more and more the distance. Not just the physical. New York was so beautiful, Orlando I was uncomfortable until I was near him and nearly three weeks later I still feel the void. I t should be He and I.
In the silence
Between your heartbeat
Bids a summons.
Do you hear it?
Name it if you must.
Or leave it forever nameless.
But why pretend it is not there?
Leave that which is not,
But appears to be.
Seek that which is, but is not apparent
Rumi~
A beautiful year....
everyday...Got fired, Amazing cab ride to Dulles AirPort after making original driver that gave me the hebees turn the cab around and let me out! You wanna act like don't understand a word I'm saying and your cab looks like you live in it= suck a dick
Anywho the second driver looked like a Sufi prophet which kinda resembles what we now associate with terrorist
He was very articulate and well read, dreams of living in the desert with his books and I saw the vision as he spoke. He questioned me a lot on why I speak the way I do and at one point bluntly asked me if my friends were black or white before getting Really real and stating I'm not black! Then said well you are but you don't black people!!! you can get cut for voicing that observation in mixed company you know. I explained that I am not my race, my family or what society has spent most of my life predisposing me to. I am ME and education is a huge deal in my family as well as representing ourselves in our best light. I'm Aquarian, duality at it's finest. I am simply not built to be anything other than my highest and best self . We shared views on politics and the puppet game of DC, society, relationships where he disclosed - he loves black women, the darker the better. I was never uncomfortable which is odd for me. Strangely I was very intrigued and felt very safe and thankful I followed that gnarly feeling to flee the first drivers car! it was cold as balls..but the discussion on poetry and his surprise as I spoke to Sufism and one of my favorite poet/ prophets being Khalil Gibran He turned all the way around while driving, pleasantly surprised and fully engaged. These are the interactions that fill me...
Next Morning Hawaii
We were on the island of Oahu on Waikiki beach, can't wait to go back. I just felt like I could live there! Surf lessons and some hikes. Met some cool people, landed to all star weekend and the streets packed with vendors and spectators. Beautiful people and LA is super close
Flew into NY, kidnapped by Jen for my birthday and a few days after. Her code name is now the kidnap queen!
Through thick and thin here we are she and I as different as sunshine and rain! She is my soul sister..
Hope a plane back to Orlando, birthday celebrations continue...cause I'm 40 bitches...that's what my shirt said and on the back Blackie O. The highlight was after drinking and ready to leave downtown I hear someone call blackie O and immediately responded. she loved my shirt and nick name and that I responded to her. I thought she was cute for finding the humor...
Yes new ink! Hookah lounge that was tres fabulous, although I will say I do not recommend the oxygen bar. I was just bored and looked ridonculous with the thing in the nose
so boring... Smoke hookah, it's really good! Bonded with my ill loves
Loved seeing Phoenix's mom, I will forever be thankful for having built a relationship with Kenya. It ensures No matter what that I can be a part of Phoenix's life and I really enjoy her as a person, she has a really good soul and feels like the kind of blanket your grandmother. Crocheted, with a cup of tea on a crisp morning watching the sunrise beyond the sea.
I have amazing people in my life and I am always so thankful for it!
Flew back to NY to get the second suitcase and maybe take my old computer since the MacBook Pro was stolen, can't deal with the old computer in my head so IPad for now and back to the kidnap queen who now has a migraine. Mind you I left with one bag. Returned home eventually with two.
Arrive home finally after issue with new second suitcase, it did not survive and I looked like a stone cold moron in the Port Authority trying to maneuver a wheely suitcase , it's handle in my second suitcase, big old bag and cupcakes.
Home now mom is major upset, brother thinks he's CIA and I am fighting the urge to smash shit with a baseball bat. Also ignoring the fact I don't want to be here at all. I just knew they needed me to be. So I am....yet beyond ready to be out of here. Go to get ready for bed and a break up text. Yes a breakup text from one of my closest friends of 22 years. She went on a tangent September 29 about how she feels like we Rent close anymore. I spoke to being done with this relationship in my last blog and she essentially said what I didn't feel needed to be spoken, people grow a part and have different roads and all that its not you it's me shit, only she met very much that I am the issue. I responded after calming down simply insightful and my love always, take care of you. I sit very sad that it needed tone said, because as much as I agree that we are in different places, we all find ourselves back when we balance out and catch up. This really said she has no intention of catching up.
I have mourned this relationship for the past year, being respectful to my friend as she chose to lie low and get herself together always with a promise of coming out strong the next season and the next and the one after that. All the phone calls she wouldn't take, all the invitations she had some excuse for all the time I've missed with her son Luka all the times I will miss with Luka. I've mourned that people have come to me for guidance and more will do the same in the future but the one person I should have been able to help, we'll I've lost! I think to how this person knows all of the intimate details of me since we were in high school, how much I have tried to share by way of people and experiences and for some reason I draw blank when. I think to what she has really given. I don't know very much at all about this person, could this be possible that she is so transparent and simple? Or really good at digging into another's life without opening herself? There is nothing wrong with who she is, she is simply no longer a part of my life and I am sad about it and mad about it as that message was a pretense. It was her dumping drama on me, projecting because she Facebook stalks and didn't have my attention. Same emo roller coaster Brian tried taking me on and I shut him out too! It is important to have conversations, to share because what we feel is important but it is neither fair nor polite to go dump your shit on someone as you ignorantly wallow in a tantrum! It's bullshit!!! Know she and her hurt feelings can suck a dick until I get over being mad and then she can just be a person I know, until the time she sees fit to grow....
No idea what this month holds, next month looks like la fashion week, then costa rica for steph's birthday! Thank God she has chosen the tropics cause mama wants some sun, yoga and zip line!!!!
My professional passion seems to be throwing itself in my lap and I am so thankful, excited and having to take time out because too many different opportunities are swirling about, I just want to focus and not over extend myself.
It's been a beautiful year despite the chaos and non pleasant occurrences, I know it's all to help guide me and one day none of it will matter!
Mr big is another matter....it saddens me more and more the distance. Not just the physical. New York was so beautiful, Orlando I was uncomfortable until I was near him and nearly three weeks later I still feel the void. I t should be He and I.
In the silence
Between your heartbeat
Bids a summons.
Do you hear it?
Name it if you must.
Or leave it forever nameless.
But why pretend it is not there?
Leave that which is not,
But appears to be.
Seek that which is, but is not apparent
Rumi~
A beautiful year....
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
juanita:
a kiss thanks for your comments
gorefan:
oh Hawai... That look fun. Here im stuck in snow... Come on summer, I cant wait for you to come 